biblewithme

God's timing

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 23:06:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered where you were going or maybe how soon you were going to get there? What kind of driver and direction follower are you? I like to see the end before I begin. I read through all the directions and look at the map from here to there -- visualize it and usually that is enough to commit it to memory. Then while driving I just occasionally look at my road map for reassurance as I journey along to my destination. Don on the other hand prints out the directions and just looks at the first one or two - while driving he just stays one step ahead of where he is - "give me just the next turn please" is a familiar phrase when I want to spout out ALL the roads from Massachusetts to California.

How does this play into my understanding of God's timing and plan?

I am amazed at how often I think I can see how something is "totally God's plan" and then it never amounts to much. Sometimes I can want something so much I can find evidence to support that it must be God's plan and other times I can assume it must not be God because it makes me uncomfortable.

I am amazed at the conversations we can have then turn around and get an email on the same topic. God's plan and mine are NOT the same. It is impossible for me to figure it out -- thank goodness because that's what makes him God! It is also impossible for me to explain my heart and my decisions to people - sometimes they just don't make sense unless you really know me. There are only a few people that really know me. Of course my husband is one. He met me before I knew Jesus and watched me grow into a Christ follower - he knows my heart and sometimes can see the big picture that I cant see - it can be aggravating and comforting all at the same time.

Lately I have been uncomfortable about some things - and that is unusual for me -- I like to play it safe. Don is actually enjoying the process God is taking me through because he has been through it himself. I remember one such time a few years back - how clearly I could see what God was doing in him and for him -- and yet he could not see it and was almost willing to let it all pass by. It seems like right now Don can see clearly where God is taking me -- I, however, cannot - in no way, see it. So as I sit frustrated with myself and things around me I have a loving husband who is watching each step and smiling as God reveals his plan in his time.

This is definitely one journey I have to let play out one or two turns at a time - could be interesting!!

10 years

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:37:00 +0000

Friday brings 10 years of wedded bliss for Don and I:)

God has blessed us incredibly - I love him more today than I did 10 years ago and I would rather spend my time with him than with anyone else or doing anything else!

One thing that surprises me is how many changes have happened over the 10 years - here is a quick list: (I will add to it during the week as I think of more)

2 kids
2 dogs
our 3rd house - same town
changed churches
we began to use twitter, facebook and blogs
I went from teaching full time to stay at home mom to working part time evenings
my mom and dad have both passed away
we are each on our 3rd car or so...
we gave away a car and a van to the same couple - approx 3 years apart
we visited ohio, florida, and myrtle beach and don went to India
both kids have asked Jesus into their lives and hearts
we have each gained 20 pounds and lost it again
we have made some great new friends
we have lost touch with some old friends
we have watched more than one set of some good friends divorce
we have seen family members divorce
we have been both blessed and challenged by God

What I know is that God has plans for us over the next 10 years - plans I can't dare to imagine!

My plan for the next 10 years -- to trust HIM - with my life, my marriage, my kids, my parenting - with it all. Even though it can be overwhelming for me - I know that nothing is too big or too small for my God.

desperation

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Thu, 14 May 2009 09:44:00 +0000

Have you ever been desperate?

SO desperate that you search and search for answers trying almost anything? I have, many times. Like when I was searching for some meaning in my life when I went to Chicago the Fall of 95 for a job. I was all alone in a new city with a new job and no friends with the realization that there must be something more. I started reading anything and everything - Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Celestine Prophecy and others. My eyes started to open to what I thought were coincidences but were really God's plan. Thank goodness God knows me well enough to know that when I search for something I will not be satisfied with lies and half truths. He knows I will not be convinced something is good or right for me when He has something else in mind.

How about when Don and I were looking for our first house - we must have looked at 20 or so. Every house we looked at could have been the right one -- we were desperate for a house - newly married just 6 months and found out we were pregnant - a house any house would do. I even looked in Millersburg and Southwest -- what???? That is not where God wanted us - or where we wanted to be -- why did I waste precious time and energy on those houses? I believe it is because for me -- it is in the searching that I discover who I am and what God wants for me. He allows me to stray this way and that knowing full well all along I will get right back on His road because it is the straight path He wants me on and I will accept nothing but the truth.

All this to say I have been searching for parenting answers for 6 years - honestly I have probably read 25 parenting books - christian and secular. Every one had something I could gleen but none resonated inside of me - something was missing and I was on a search for the answers and would not give up until I found it. I do believe God chose me to parent my kids - knowing full well I would go through the journey of how to parent them according to their bent - until I knew what their bent was. With every book I questioned my heart and mind - why are these ideas not working for my child - is it me - is it him - what is wrong with us?? Yes I thought something was wrong - we just were not like other families.

This year has been a year of answers - it is so freeing to be on the path of answers that are specifically for your own child -- not what every other parent believes you should do. We are never going to look like other families and I need to be okay with that. I still struggle a lot with the fact that it is hard for people to realize that even with the bible there is more than one way to raise a child and that not all methods work for all children even though they sound godly.

I was desperate for answers and I searched and searched and I am thankful God took me on a journey of knowledge. He knows I love to learn and He taught me all the way. He gave me answers and insight to change the way I look at things - this is our normal!

Now I ask Him for the strength to stand up when I feel like He has given me insight and to support others who feel as though they are failing because they don't seem to measure up to the families around them.

Stranger!

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:21:00 +0000

I don't know you. We have never met. I am praying for you. Why? Because God asked me to during a message Rob gave at GCC. I think you were in the room too! I distinctly felt God ask me to pray for you, for where you are, where you have been and where you are going. For the journey that He can see so clearly and you are not so sure about. He reminded me of the journey I embarked on about 13 years ago. It was scary the day I realized that He loved me more than anything I had hidden in my past. It was powerful to sit in church that day and have a flashback of where I was and where He took me. I am going to keep praying for you everytime He asks me to and knowing how crazy our God is, maybe someday we will meet.

wrap up

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 19:55:00 +0000

So with 2008 over and 2009 on its way in I thought I would give a quick wrap up to my post. Well I definitely did not do so great and I can pinpoint what major change threw me out of whack. For the first time in 8 years I went back to work part time. Even though it is not much and just a small attempt on my part to help out with finances it changed the way I was able to manage things.

I no longer went scrapbooking once a month on Fridays because I did not want to be away from my family since I already was gone 2 nights a week. So I obviously DID NOT get the kids scrapbooks caught up. I also stopped reading for pleasure about the same time - it just did not seem to fit in. I was not able to finish the bible in one year - and I am very disappointed but instead of dwelling on it I need to start new TODAY! I wanted to lose 10 pounds but I am the exact same weight today as I was on 1/1/08 atleast I did not gain anything!

What I am learning - or trying to learn is that we have a new "normal" around here and I need to figure out how to adjust to it - I need to not let my circumstances (working, being tired, getting behind on household stuff, etc) effect my daily mood and attitude. I have a tendency to just shut down whenever I get overwhelmed and behind - this leads to getting more overwhelmed and further behind:)

Really I want to go back to the way it was - but that is not possible right now and I know that so......I need to move forward and look forward instead of longing for what was.

I know that God knows where I am and where I want to be - I am going to trust him to adjust my attitude to where I need to be! I need to be thankful that the job I go to is fun, with great people, and at night! HE is our provider and he has provided for us this year!

So as 2009 gets started I am looking forward to finding new ways to manage the house and daily tasks that fit in with our new schedule.

I am excited to see what God has in store this year and I hope you are too!

mia

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 13:38:00 +0000

Okay so I know that I have been missing in action - there are so many contributing factors I could not explain them all in writing but I will stab at a few.

This is the first holiday season without my Dad - and no trip to Florida to see my entire family - the kids are missing their cousins and wondering when they will see them again. I think I have only missed one or two family Christmas gatherings ever! So an emotionally draining time for us as a family.

With all that is going on in the economy and Don's job being in the RV business I have taken on a part time job 2 nights a week and most Saturdays. Though it doesn't sound like much it means I am away for dinner and bedtime and miss connecting with Don in the evenings - consequently I feel drained during the day and lack the motivation to get the necessary things done around the house to keep things functioning. The good thing is - no babysitters!

Don is now in India -
(use this link to check it out)
a missions trip through GCC in the works for 9 months and this has been a main focus for us over the last 2 months - between prayers, raising support, shots and medicine, passports and visas, buying the necessary supplies, packing and repacking and mentally preparing for the time apart. Here is the latest pic from this morning. He is in the back row on the left :)

So we have had all this and more going on..... I have also had numerous blog posts that have never made it out of my head into words to my fingers and keyboard so as the weeks go on I am going to try to be a little more intentional about a lot of things - my time with Don (when he gets back of course:) keeping up with daily tasks and following through with ideas God has given me even when my circumstances seem to get in the way!

Be back soon :)

gap

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 18:23:00 +0000

A few weeks ago I heard a message at GCC about the gap between us and God and that Jesus dying on the cross fills that gap - the cross is the bridge between God and us. You may have seen it illustrated before. This time though they spoke of another gap also - the one between you (the Christ follower) - and the unbelievers. The cultural gap that keeps people from church and essentially from getting to know the love of Jesus.

Robin, Shane and Don filled that gap back in 1996 for me! They were all Christ followers who knew the love of Jesus and wanted so bad to share it with me. They invited me to church over and over and over again. They demonstrated the love of Christ in their friendship with each other and with me. I knew how much going to church meant to them and the dedication they served with each Sunday. At first I wanted friendships like they had - then I wanted more. I went to church with them and it was a God appointment. The message was just for me and was the beginning of setting me FREE from my past. Within a year I accepted Christ and was baptized a year later.

I am so grateful for these 3 people and the gap they filled - it has changed the trajectory of my life.

Whose life will benefit from me - who can I help bridge the gap between culture and church? I will trust Jesus with this!

hell on earth

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 19:06:00 +0000

Do you know any place that seems like hell on earth?

Growing up I pretty much had it easy - my family moved away from Boston when I was little and basically lived in suburban areas all my life. I am sure there where times in my parents childhood and teen years that South Boston could have seemed like hell on earth I don't know. Almost all my relatives still live in the Boston area - it was hard for my Dad to leave for his job - but he had missed out on high school to help raise his 9 younger brothers and sisters and knew he wanted to "move up" at his company to make a living for his family. Maybe since times were rough and money tight for my parents it is why they provided us with a comfortable life. I am sure they struggled with finances - but I never saw it - there was always great food on the table with a roast or steaks on Sunday - always nice clothes to wear and 2 or more cars in the driveway. Each move brought a new or almost new 4 or 5 bedroom house for our family with 5 kids. My road to college was easy and my parents were of great help.

Here was the problem: I never grew up learning about need - I can't remember being exposed to any type of service project through church, school or my family. We just basically existed comfortably - and I guess I assumed everyone did. I feel like my parents missed out on an awesome opportunity to get us outside of our "selves" - I guess we were slaves to the fire of selfishness. It wasn't until I went back to church at 29 that I heard the word "missions" - what a concept.

Today I heard a message about hell on earth and this was my take away from Rob Wegner's message:

If you are a follower of Christ you should find yourself running towards the gates of hell to rescue people and end up smelling like smoke - if not who are you following?

Did you just get hit up side the head like I did? I think my family stayed as far away from hell on this earth as possible - maybe that's what they thought it meant to be successful - escape poverty and hard times and never look back.

My Dad was a great business man - his skills could have reached so many people - my mom was so kind and she was compassionate - who forgot to tell them they were part of Jesus' plan here on earth?

Okay - I want to ...............snatch others from the fire and save them (Jude 1:23) but for now this is what my husband gets to do.

In December he is headed to a small piece of hell on earth - over in Tamil Nadu, India to help out a GCC missions team. He will get to experience running towards it and smelling like smoke. Please support him on this adventure in anyway you can - I am sure it will bring change to our whole family. If you would like to contribute financially just click on this link and you can set up a quick account at GCC and give online.

I pray that I can teach my children about what the whole world is like - not just our little slice of country in Wakarusa.

surrender

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 23:34:00 +0000

So the other day at church Dr. Bob was speaking on the bitterness that develops from past hurts that aren't forgiven -- ok that's my take on it :) I sat there thinking "thank you Jesus" for helping me get through that major thing back before Don and I were married. I also thought "wow" I am so glad that you brought me to the point of forgiveness and I know how freeing it is. I was in complete agreement with Dr. Bob - I had been where he was talking about and with God I had taken the steps necessary to get to the other side. It felt affirming and reassuring to know that I am not carrying that burden!

Then came worship :( out of my mouth came "I surrender all" and I had to choke back the tears - God got right in the middle of me - with this: you made it through the big thing but what about the small stuff - the daily stuff - do you surrender that?? I had no perfect answer for Him.

Not a service has gone by in the past 18 months that something does not hit me - a lesson to learn or a moment of gratitude - I am amazed at how present God is at GCC and I am thankful that I am able to fully engage when I am there. I am not who I was 18 months ago - and I am not who I will be 18 months from now.

So what now.... I need to bring my little stuff to Him and let it go!!

frustrated at 5:01am

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:50:00 +0000

So those of you that know me know that I love to sleep :) A good 9 or even 10 hours at night and I wake up on my own and feel ready to start the day. No alarm necessary my body is done sleeping.

Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!

You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.

I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.

Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!

So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.

But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:

Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!

disappointed

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:37:00 +0000

So it has taken me a week or 2 to write this post - mainly because I did not want to do it in anger:(

Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!

I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.

So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.

How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.

I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!

One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!

politics

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:31:00 +0000

I have no desire to engage in any political debate - or really discuss politics at all. However I heard a question on the radio that intrigued me.

"Do you think that VP candidate Palin is fit for the job since her 17 year old daughter is pregnant?"

The best response I heard was this: If we are going to say that she should be able to control her daughter and since she can't she will be no good in the white house - how do we respond to Eve? Is God not "good enough" because he could not control his daughter? He gave her everything she needed - all the love and instruction necessary - yet she "chose" to sin.

I am not saying I think Palin is right for the job - I have no idea at this point. But in my opinion if I am willing to make the decision around the choices her daughter has made I would be making a grave error.

Do I want to be held to that same standard? Do I want to be "judged" on who I am based on the behavior of my son or daughter?

My parents were awesome people - and all five of their kids - me included- made some pretty serious mistakes (read "sins") - not due to them - but due to our own selfish desires!

God, Please help me refrain from being judgemental - help me love people first and provide them with all the grace and mercy necessary for them to see you in the midst of whatever comes their way. In Jesus' name Amen!

book review

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:42:00 +0000

So I have been thinking about my bible study that is about to begin in town - MOTTTS - and thought I would share a few thoughts with you.

This year we are beginning with the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. I read this book about 3-4 years when someone mentioned it at MOTTTS and I found it at the library. I have always been meaning to buy my own copy so here will be my chance.

First, as with any book, I feel it is important to remember that it is written by a person, in this case a godly Christian women and mom. Second, I need to be able to discern what God wants me to get from the book. If I start out with a critical spirit I will probably only choose to become offended - If I start out open and willing I bet I might take away a few nuggets that will make me a better parent.

I have been learning over the past few years that it is really hard to believe that your child is born with a sin nature when they are babies and toddlers. I mean really is all that discipline stuff necessary - aren't people going overboard in their structure and ideas - there is NO WAY I would ever try that with my kid - I will never need anything like that - my kid would never......

Then my son turned 3 and I had a 1 year old daughter. I feel like God said to me "listen up now - I am giving you all these ideas for later - I know what you will need - pay close attention"

Would I ever go into battle with out any weapons? No, that would be crazy. Battle you say - raising kids is NOT a battle -- Well some days in this house it feels like it - yes, that is the right word - feels - it is just my flesh. However God says - my word is your weapon!

I am going to trust and rely on godly people and authors who share their wisdom with me so that I may have a complete arsenal as I am raising my kids. I want to be able to recognize the enemy and defeat him with God's word. I want to be able to show my kids that choices have consequences now before they are teens and adults. I don't want to be caught off guard and on empty.

I am so thankful for people like Lisa Welchel - she is willing to share all her methods for raising and disciplining her kids. Am I going to agree with everything she writes - of course not - will I debate over what she says - No - they are her weapons - what has worked in her household - and I am grateful she is willing to share even if it means that she might fight against man's approval sometimes.

Who knows when I might actually need what she has to offer - I want to face every book with godly discernment and an open mind - who knows it might actually make life a little easier:)

time lapse

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 23:20:00 +0000

Ok so its been more than 2 weeks since my last post and really I have about 5 posts rolling around in my head. On everything from fear to failure, parenting, marriage, family etc. but they are still just that - rolling around - I just can't seem to get the words out of my head and onto the page. My husband and I have even talked about a few of the topics together. Lately it just seems like so much is going on such as:

church - including serving for both me and my husband

school for both kiddos now - which includes homework and packing lunches

bible studies - Further Up Further In (mishawaka) and MOTTTS about to start in Waky

gathering clothes for the RESALE

Don's BDAY

both kids birthdays in the next 2 weeks

my once a month part time job - cleaning my sis in laws house

my once a week part time job helping out Goshen's marching band

and all the normal everday stuff there is to do that is neverending (see this post)

So I will let the stuff roll around a few more days and maybe it will make it to the screen!!

little minds

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:26:00 +0000

You know the verse about train up a child in the way they should go - according to their bent!

Well even though my parents went to church I don't think they knew this verse or spent much time on the according to their bent part. Not in a bad way - I just think their generation of parents functioned by spending quality time with their kids - not trying to figure them out!

Why all this you say? Well I happen to have a very interesting young boy whose bent is different than anyone in the family - he is, I believe asbstract sequential. This means he is very creative - capable of inventing amazing things with recycled goods, always has a project going in his head and would like to always have one going in the house, he designs things, his brain is always going, how does that work?, why?, I think.....
However, he also thrives on structure - doing things in a natural order and always doing it that way - this is tough for me in someways - I am structured too but not to the extent he is - if we are inconsistent he picks up on it right away - it is hard for him.

He is at his best when:

there is freedom in the house for him to follow through with the latest idea for the project in his head - this may mean the machine he invented at a camp this summer, a the parachute he made for himself, or a recycled 3 foot snow globe in the kitchen powered by a small fan - yes, really, look at the pictures
there is still a common structure in the home - breakfast at 7 lunch at 1130 dad home by 330 dinner around 530 and in bed by 8 at the latest

you are available to help him at any moment with his idea - they are so big in his head yet he is not yet capable of carrying them out alone - grandma is great at this!

the input going in his head causes him to grow - enjoys watching the news, having me read the newspaper, watching old NASA dvds, etc.

no one - especially his sister - bothers him

there is an organized (by his standards) mess in his room - not chaos though

he is allowed to keep EVERYTING - every scrap of paper, miscellaneous screw, wood, egg carton, etc. they all have a project waiting

You might be thinking hmmmm or wow or even Oh my goodness!
His "bent" is so complicated I have trouble parenting it successfully. I am caught in a battle between who he is and what he "needs" to be according to the world, his school and our family.

I honestly have come to the point that most, if not all, of our struggles with him have to do with not understanding his bent. The quickest label would be strong willed - but that would not do him justice - it has something to do with his way of thinking and he does not understand at 7 1/2 that we all don't think that way - how come we don't get it - what's so tough about it.

I believe there are great things in his future - I believe God has a plan for him - I also believe I can sidetrack that plan by squelching his continued processing and designing because it does not "fit" or looks out of place in this "world"

He is very fragile emotionally - he is 7 - but his vocabulary is crazy - so he makes you think he has it all together with his words - but on the inside he is melting down. My husband has been slowly discovering the inner workings of Noah's emotions after many difficult melt downs. He is awesome at "debreifing" and getting to the root.

All this is to say that "little minds" are way more complicated than we think and what we see and hear are not always a fair way to judge who they are - no matter how they think they still are only as old as they are - in this case 7!!

Lord please help do what you want me to do - help me rely on you and your wisdom about the little boy you designed to be Noah, help me to follow whatever you lay on my heart and not dismiss it because it doesn't line up with other parents or society - continue to give me insight into his bent so I can parent him in your way! In Jesus Name AMEN!!!

words

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:41:00 +0000

Our church is going through a lot of change - one of the slogans happens to be "change is good" another one is "count me in". This all comes on the heels of the REVEAL survey results. This morning at breakfast we were talking about the New Community move from Thursday night to Wednesday night and how it would impact our family. While we were talking my daughter Nina said yes change is good! I asked where she heard that because I could not believe it. Her reply - Adventures in Odyssey - too cute.

This may seem like only words from a 5 year old - but actually they are quite profound - in the past year we made a major change in our church home and though it was hard both kids got on board and understood we were following God - a change that he had in mind for us. We talk a lot as a family and we explained why GCC was making changes -- to grow people and help us get closer to Christ - they get it!

Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough to raise up Christ Followers and then I need to remember they are the generation of change - I did not follow Christ until I was 30 - this is all they know and when they get married and have kids THIS will be their starting point.

At this stage I need all the help I can get - from God, my husband, the church and our community. I need to be grateful and thankful for the life that God has given me, for my godly husband, for an awesome church that provides excellent opportunities that challenge me, that we live in a community that following Christ is more common than NOT!

Ephesians 3:20

summer

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:21:00 +0000

It is almost over! Well I know not technically but at least in the terms of school vacation it is. I love my kids and so far God has not asked me to homeschool so..... I am excited that school starts in 2 weeks -- not really that they will be gone during the day - or half day for kindergarten. But that they will have something that is theirs individually again. A sense of indivuality that comes with school and a sense of structure that they need.

I personally feel that summer vacation is too long for my kids - they would do better with a lot more breaks during the school year -- like 9 weeks on 3 weeks off or something. Not only would they probably retain more but they would enjoy the 3 weeks and then go back before they got to the point of being crabby and irritating to each other!!!

I know as a mom I should savor this time -- it is going fast and I am sure that each summer will fly by and before I know it we will be at high school graduation.

However I do desire a time that has more sanity and less chaos. My husband asked me a question the other day - what if that never comes and this is not a phase but the family we were given?

My answer was way less than spiritual and not at all like the godly woman I want to be!!!!!!!

arrrggghhhhh.

semantics

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 23:53:00 +0000

I heard something a couple of weeks ago that has been rattling around in my head and heart ever since. Then tonite at the 5:30 service at GCC I heard it again.

Did you accept Jesus into YOUR life?

Did you give your life to JESUS?

When you hear these two questions do you immediately notice the difference or is it something you need to think about? I was amazed at what went on in me when I heard this. I will forever change my language and thinking about this.

I want to know that I know that I know that I have given MY LIFE to Christ - that God can use me for what he wants and needs when he wants and needs -- not that I only ask him for help when I need it and when it is convienent to me.

Any thoughts??

ch...ch...ch...changes

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:26:00 +0000

How do you respond to change? Do you love it or loathe it? For me it depends on what it is and when -- sound familiar?

All it takes for me to be okay with change is for me to be prepared - I like to wrap my mind around it, chew on it for awhile, see how it will impact my family, and in the end understand it. I know this is not possible in all cases of change but in some it is.

For instance there are many things that I do not make quick decisions about such as:

buying a dog
getting a job
spending large amounts of money

It seems to me that I take my time with things that will have a major impact on my family - whether that be positive or negative. I want to see how to make it work, and understand it. Let's walk through how we finally made the decision to get a dog so you can see inside this process for our family.

When Don and I were dating we thought greyhounds were neat animals and talked about having one someday (realize I have never been a dog lover or owner). When we got married we talked about them some more and then got pregnant and realize they want you to wait until your kids are 4 or so. So every year we looked at them in the Maple Syrup Festival Parade and checked them out. Then our son became allergic to dogs so we put it on the back burner. Then he tested negative last October and he was 7 and Nina 5. We went to a Meet and Greet for greyhounds in April and Nina was not afraid at all and Noah was in love - he stayed for an hour and did not want to leave. We started researching greyhounds. Three books and numerous websites later we felt like a greyhound was the dog for us. We went to another Meet and Greet and turned in an application. We installed a fence. We had a home visit with the All Star Greyhound Adoption Agency and as of Friday July 11th we are the proud owners of Silvester. I would say this process took us (or me)about 6 months - Don and the kids would have brought one home from the meet and greet - not me I needed to know these things:

where is it going to sleep
what does it eat
what do I do when I am out during the day
who is going to clean up the poop in the yard - I can't stand poop in peoples yards!!!
how are the kids going to manage
what about it's dirty feet on the carpet
will there be hair everywhere
can I handle the responsibility
do I want to handle the responsibility
is it wise to spend money on a fence
is it wise to spend money on dog food
can the kids be alone with the dog
how is he going to handle the stairs
what about the vet
dog treats for his teeth are 2$ a day??????

That is just a partial list of the thoughts that have been processed in my head and out loud over the past few days, weeks and months. But once I get a grasp I am all for it -- and in me it is like a light switch being flipped i go from being "off" for a long time while I research and analyze to what seems like all of a sudden "on" - ready to go get a dog! For some people I am hard to understand because when I am ready and say okay - they then question it -- why now - I thought you didn't want one - how come the change, etc.... they just did not see the process!

Now all this to say the idea of getting a dog is now a reality and the kids are doing ok - there are battles that need to be fought and sometimes I just don't want to - everybody is trying to find where they fit again. Don is the dog's best friend - his leader no doubt - Noah wants that role - Nina just loves him - I have no idea what I am doing and Don is patient and Noah is NOT - he is telling me everything I am doing is wrong and ordering me around - he has become a dog expert overnight - it has not been fun!

So I like the dog - just not really into transitions :(

So what about when God wants to change things in me or around me? Well he knows my personality doesn't he -I feel like he provides me with opportunities to see that it is him orchestrating the change so that I will go through the analysis at lightening speed.

I am so thankful that my God made me and knows me!

popbeads or pearls??

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:17:00 +0000

Do I dream big? Do I pray big? What if God said he would answer all my prayers of today? Would my answered prayers change lives or just circumstances? Am I praying for God's kingdom to come here on this earth? Do I trust that God has way more in store for me than what I am experiencing right now? Have I accepted Christ into my life or have I given my life to Christ? Do I have a biblical world view? Do I believe that I am saved by grace? Do I know that I know that I know that Jesus is the only way to heaven? Do I know what spiritual disciplines are? Do I practice them? Do I trust the leadership God has placed over me? Do I trust them enough to give up what I have and like to experience what they are about to offer? Can I be sold out for change and embrace where we are going? Can I be passionate about it?

YOU BET!

The questions above just represent a small, minute amount of things that are flying around in my head since I got home from New Community - the Thursday night service at GCC. If you are interested in hearing the message that led to all this and have a better understanding of the title -- popbeads or pearls -- I will put a link HERE as soon as it is available.

life changing

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:31:00 +0000

Alright, last night was a life changing experience for me. Let's start by putting it into perspective:

I made my first communion at about age 7
I took communion every Sunday from age 7-18
That is approx. 600 times
We never used the "blood of Christ"
I came back to church at age 29
I have received communion once a month since then
That would be about 150 times

Last night I had my first opportunity to serve communion at GCC. The missions team that is going to India in December was chosen to serve and since Don is on that team I got to serve with him.

Wow is about all I can say - I will never ever look at communion in the same way again. I offered people "the body of Christ broken for you" - they looked into my eyes and accepted, they offered an "amen" or a "praise Jesus". One women towards the end even looked straight into my eyes and almost into my heart and said "thank you Jesus" - I almost started to cry - I was so overwhelmed with emotion! We even got to offer and share communion with some of our friends - like Rob, Michelle and Maddie :) Sharon and family, Wes and Amy and a few others. Talk about a personal, intimate moment.

God, I can't imagine sending your son to die on the cross for my sins - I am and will be forever thankful and grateful for your sacrifice. Thank you for the sacrament of communion to provide us the opportunity to focus directly on Jesus!

survive or thrive??

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:04:00 +0000

So today God filled me in on the fact that I have the choice to survive or thrive! Yes you heard that correctly -- it is up to me. Wow I have to take responsibility for it -- sometimes that is no fun - it is so much easier to blame it on someone else.

I want to thrive! I am not going to spend the summer in survival mode like I have the past three days. My kids are at each others throats - bickering about every single thing. You say black - no its white, you say tab they say no its tab -- they are doing this with eachother, with me, with my husband and sometimes even with grandma. Just the past three days - the first 10 days of summer break was awesome - I was so excited and thought wow this is going to be a fun and relaxing summer. Hold the phone - monday morning it was like a wildfire had roared through the house - grumpy, mouthy and down right irritable children - which doesn't necessarily make for a joyful mom.

So today in the midst of a conversation with my hairstylist (Erin:) about another whole issue I said out loud "I am the problem and I am the solution". Well tonight after dinner the kids were crabby and I got crabby and then I remembered (ok no, the holy spirit reminded me) what I had said about the other thing and it totally applies here.

Time for me to step up and be acountable for my joy! Time to dig in to the word and into the spiritual disciplines!

I am going to thrive this summer and I will not settle for just surviving. We have an awesome God who can do so much more than I can imagine and I know he is the one to nourish me!!!!!

are you a loving person?

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:32:00 +0000

I learned a few things about great teachers last night from a great teacher at GCC New Community. Here are 3 main things:

they ask a lot of questions
they give tough tests
they give plenty of experiences to change lives

Wow at first glance these may be the teachers we don't immediately like - I mean lots of questions, tough tests and field experience - does not sound like my idea of fun but...... this is describing Jesus! This is how he did it with the disciples and this is how God wants to do it with us.

The first question Dr. Bob Laurent asked of us last night was "Are you a loving person?"

So what questions is God asking you lately? Not what are you asking him. Are we really getting quiet with him to see what he might be asking us? I know I am not - I don't really know what quiet with God looks like in the midst of the summer chaos with 2 kids. However I am willing to take some steps to find out. I am starting on a journey about the spiritual disciplines you can check it out here.

So how are you being tested lately? My test is with my brother - and so far I think my midterm report would say pass:)

What experiences are you in the midst of that God will use to change your heart and your life?

God teaches us this way so we can see what is in our own hearts - and I know what is in mine isn't always pretty. Dr. Bob said "It is easy to love those who love you back - but what about those who don't??"

We sang a worship song that said: "Break my heart for what breaks yours" I think that is the journey Granger is on and I am right on board, pointing my feet toward Christ and waiting to see what my next step is............

What is your next step toward Christ?

crisis

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:40:00 +0000

Some of you are doing the "read the bible in a year" thing with me :) some of you are just doing it and some of you probably have done it before. For those of you that have never done it - I highly recommend it!! Really -- this is my first time and I absolutely love it!

I feel more connected to Jesus than I ever have been in my life and I am seeing the fruit of it in some difficult times with my family (sisters and brother). I AM NOT super human -- I am just cultivating my relationship with God and so in tough times I am seeing that He is carrying me through - He is putting a guard over my mouth and He is helping me be more like Jesus in my relationships. I am so thankful that I know him -- it is about this life on earth - not just about my eternal life in heaven.

I dont just have a desire to grow and be connected - which is a great intention - but I have a passion inside of me to find the method that will help me do just that. I have to thank my church for that. From my observation - each of the pastors is full and overflowering with a passion to see people get to know Christ and continually develop their relationship with him. It is like a burning fire that is out of control - one of those sweeping forest fires that burns acres and acres. It is sweeping through Granger, South Bend, Elkhart, Niles and all the way to India :)

I have been infected with the burning passion. I am reading more than ever - I have continued with the daily bible reading, I am going to core class 301 that our church offers about finding your shape - I am embarking on a book for a group, led by one of the pastor's wives, on the spiritual disciplines (an area that I don't know much about) and I am trying to be more like Jesus with my family.

I am refusing to feel guilty, get angry, try to FIX them, or change their thinking - none of that is my job. I am trying to love them and understand them. Does that mean I agree with them - no not always - does that mean I take sides - no I try not to be devisive - does it come easy - no however the more I stay connected to Jesus the better I am getting with my walk.

I really can not believe the difference in my responses to circumstances lately - not usually like me:) - and I have to give God the glory - he is the one changing me and I kinda like who I am becoming.

I got a long way to go and I know he will be right beside me all the way!!

things

noreply@blogger.com (caryn) — Wed, 28 May 2008 14:41:00 +0000

So many things going on around here.

Today is the last day of school so tomorrow is the beginning of summer break :)
We are getting an estimate on a fence today - why? because in order to adopt a greyhound you need a fence - yes a greyhound!
We have been looking at pictures of available greyhounds on line
My sister closes on my dad's house in TX today
Don is working on his support letter for his mission trip to India
I am decluttering again:) little by little
Saturday is my annual day to go to garage sales with my friend Jill :)
Nina and I are trying not to let the kitten in that found our house
I am missing my bible study-MOTTTS-already
We might be taking a road trip to Columbus OH to visit my friend Christine and her husband and 4 boys under the age of 7 :)
Vacation bible school is in 3 weeks :)
I just learned about Facebook!

Thats all i can think of - I know there is more..........