life changing

Alright, last night was a life changing experience for me. Let's start by putting it into perspective:

• I made my first communion at about age 7
• I took communion every Sunday from age 7-18
• That is approx. 600 times
• We never used the "blood of Christ"
• I came back to church at age 29
• I have received communion once a month since then
• That would be about 150 times

Last night I had my first opportunity to serve communion at GCC. The missions team that is going to India in December was chosen to serve and since Don is on that team I got to serve with him.

Wow is about all I can say - I will never ever look at communion in the same way again. I offered people "the body of Christ broken for you" - they looked into my eyes and accepted, they offered an "amen" or a "praise Jesus". One women towards the end even looked straight into my eyes and almost into my heart and said "thank you Jesus" - I almost started to cry - I was so overwhelmed with emotion! We even got to offer and share communion with some of our friends - like Rob, Michelle and Maddie :) Sharon and family, Wes and Amy and a few others. Talk about a personal, intimate moment.

God, I can't imagine sending your son to die on the cross for my sins - I am and will be forever thankful and grateful for your sacrifice. Thank you for the sacrament of communion to provide us the opportunity to focus directly on Jesus!

survive or thrive??

So today God filled me in on the fact that I have the choice to survive or thrive! Yes you heard that correctly -- it is up to me. Wow I have to take responsibility for it -- sometimes that is no fun - it is so much easier to blame it on someone else.

I want to thrive! I am not going to spend the summer in survival mode like I have the past three days. My kids are at each others throats - bickering about every single thing. You say black - no its white, you say tab they say no its tab -- they are doing this with eachother, with me, with my husband and sometimes even with grandma. Just the past three days - the first 10 days of summer break was awesome - I was so excited and thought wow this is going to be a fun and relaxing summer. Hold the phone - monday morning it was like a wildfire had roared through the house - grumpy, mouthy and down right irritable children - which doesn't necessarily make for a joyful mom.

So today in the midst of a conversation with my hairstylist (Erin:) about another whole issue I said out loud "I am the problem and I am the solution". Well tonight after dinner the kids were crabby and I got crabby and then I remembered (ok no, the holy spirit reminded me) what I had said about the other thing and it totally applies here.

Time for me to step up and be acountable for my joy! Time to dig in to the word and into the spiritual disciplines!

I am going to thrive this summer and I will not settle for just surviving. We have an awesome God who can do so much more than I can imagine and I know he is the one to nourish me!!!!!

are you a loving person?

I learned a few things about great teachers last night from a great teacher at GCC New Community. Here are 3 main things:

• they ask a lot of questions
• they give tough tests
• they give plenty of experiences to change lives

Wow at first glance these may be the teachers we don't immediately like - I mean lots of questions, tough tests and field experience - does not sound like my idea of fun but...... this is describing Jesus! This is how he did it with the disciples and this is how God wants to do it with us.

The first question Dr. Bob Laurent asked of us last night was "Are you a loving person?"

So what questions is God asking you lately? Not what are you asking him. Are we really getting quiet with him to see what he might be asking us? I know I am not - I don't really know what quiet with God looks like in the midst of the summer chaos with 2 kids. However I am willing to take some steps to find out. I am starting on a journey about the spiritual disciplines you can check it out here.

So how are you being tested lately? My test is with my brother - and so far I think my midterm report would say pass:)

What experiences are you in the midst of that God will use to change your heart and your life?

God teaches us this way so we can see what is in our own hearts - and I know what is in mine isn't always pretty. Dr. Bob said "It is easy to love those who love you back - but what about those who don't??"

We sang a worship song that said: "Break my heart for what breaks yours" I think that is the journey Granger is on and I am right on board, pointing my feet toward Christ and waiting to see what my next step is............

What is your next step toward Christ?

crisis

Some of you are doing the "read the bible in a year" thing with me :) some of you are just doing it and some of you probably have done it before. For those of you that have never done it - I highly recommend it!! Really -- this is my first time and I absolutely love it!

I feel more connected to Jesus than I ever have been in my life and I am seeing the fruit of it in some difficult times with my family (sisters and brother). I AM NOT super human -- I am just cultivating my relationship with God and so in tough times I am seeing that He is carrying me through - He is putting a guard over my mouth and He is helping me be more like Jesus in my relationships. I am so thankful that I know him -- it is about this life on earth - not just about my eternal life in heaven.

I dont just have a desire to grow and be connected - which is a great intention - but I have a passion inside of me to find the method that will help me do just that. I have to thank my church for that. From my observation - each of the pastors is full and overflowering with a passion to see people get to know Christ and continually develop their relationship with him. It is like a burning fire that is out of control - one of those sweeping forest fires that burns acres and acres. It is sweeping through Granger, South Bend, Elkhart, Niles and all the way to India :)

I have been infected with the burning passion. I am reading more than ever - I have continued with the daily bible reading, I am going to core class 301 that our church offers about finding your shape - I am embarking on a book for a group, led by one of the pastor's wives, on the spiritual disciplines (an area that I don't know much about) and I am trying to be more like Jesus with my family.

I am refusing to feel guilty, get angry, try to FIX them, or change their thinking - none of that is my job. I am trying to love them and understand them. Does that mean I agree with them - no not always - does that mean I take sides - no I try not to be devisive - does it come easy - no however the more I stay connected to Jesus the better I am getting with my walk.

I really can not believe the difference in my responses to circumstances lately - not usually like me:) - and I have to give God the glory - he is the one changing me and I kinda like who I am becoming.

I got a long way to go and I know he will be right beside me all the way!!

things

So many things going on around here.

• Today is the last day of school so tomorrow is the beginning of summer break :)
• We are getting an estimate on a fence today - why? because in order to adopt a greyhound you need a fence - yes a greyhound!
• We have been looking at pictures of available greyhounds on line
• My sister closes on my dad's house in TX today
• Don is working on his support letter for his mission trip to India
• I am decluttering again:) little by little
• Saturday is my annual day to go to garage sales with my friend Jill :)
• Nina and I are trying not to let the kitten in that found our house
• I am missing my bible study-MOTTTS-already
• We might be taking a road trip to Columbus OH to visit my friend Christine and her husband and 4 boys under the age of 7 :)
• Vacation bible school is in 3 weeks :)
• I just learned about Facebook!

Thats all i can think of - I know there is more..........

the last lecture

I just finished reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I picked it up about 3 weeks ago and thought it might be a good read. I started it yesterday morning and just finished it. That is the judge to me on a good read - how quickly I finish it is directly equated to the fact that I couldn't put it down.

Now this is not intended to be a deep discussion on whether or not he knows Jesus. What I learned about Randy and his fight with cancer through this book is that he is a man of integrity. He is a husband who wants to take care of his wife - he is a father who wants to take care of his 3 small children and he is a teacher who wants to leave a legacy for his students.

Some of you know I just lost my dad to cancer about 2 months ago so some of this book was sort of a tough read from that perspective. But I think it was tough more so as a wife and mom of young kids. I laughed and I cried! I feel as though I will look at life a little different now -- not anything major - just small things - day to day things.

In this book Randy talked about the things he cherished about his mom and dad - the things they gave him - character traits, etc. I want my kids to look back at their childhood and remember it fondly!

Here are a few things I got from my mom and dad.

My mom was at the kitchen table everyday when I came home from school with a cup of coffee and a book. This has shaped my love for reading as well as my desire to be a stay at home mom. My mom had an open door policy - you could tell her anything -- and she would not rush out and try to fix it. My mom picked up 5 kids without complaint and moved as my dad's job required because she knew it was his way of providing for the family. My mom was a submissive wife even though she never knew that term. My mom loved my dad with all her heart and soul.

My dad had an awesome work ethic - he spent more than 35 years of his life working for Tandy Corporation so that he could provide for his wife and 5 kids. This meant moving every three years or so but to him it was a small sacrifice. He was home for dinner nearly every night. He spent almost all of his non working time with his family. He was always on time. He spoke with authority about anything and everything - a trait he passed down to me and on to my son:) He followed me around the country when I marched in Drum Corps because he love it and he loved me too! He remained strong until the very end. My dad loved my mom with all his heart and soul.

There is so much more but this what came to mind.

I want my kids to develop a love for Jesus like no other - I want them to see God comes first then their spouse and then their kids. I want them to see and know how much I love their dad! I want them to know what a great marriage looks like! I want them to want to get into the bible everyday! I want them to love to learn and read! I want them to find an amazing church where God's work is evident and far reaching. I want them to remain connected as brother and sister long into adulthood.

I could go on and on and on and on....those of you that really know me know that is true:)

I guess what it all boils down to is this: I could continue on in life as a task oriented person like I spent the first 35 years of my life or I can continue on in life developing the emotional, sensitive and people oriented person that God has been showing me the last 6 years or so.

I had someone say to me once - do you always cry like this? and my response was "No only when I see God moving" I have been brought to tears more in the last year than I thought possible. God is moving and he is moving big.

Does it matter to me whether Randy Pausch knows God - well no and yes. It wouldn't stop me from reading the book if he didn't (that is God working in me) but I would love for him and his family to know the love of Jesus and know that he can live forever in heaven and see them again someday!

I have no idea how people who aren't in a relationship with Jesus understand or cope with death. If it were not for my relationship with him I would be floundering from the effects of the death of my mom 7 years ago and my dad recently.

Thank you Jesus for saving me!

changes

Things are changing in our house - our daughter had preschool graduation last week and today she took off her training wheels :( She is officially a big girl now (her words). My husband was awesome heloing her this morning -- so patient and kind - plus reassuring too! He also knew there was no going back -- we can not put the training wheels back on he told her gently - you can do this. Within an hour she was riding by herself!

I sat and watched with amazement and took pictures too! The whole time I was learning about parenting according to each child's bent -- and how they learn too!

My son declared he wanted to take his training wheels off when he came home from his first day of kindergarten - a new found independance I suppose. He got on the bike with Don's hand on the seat and he took off -- right away from his fathers safety grasp - he never looked back and never fell down - the momentus occassion was complete in a matter of seconds.

My daughter on the other hand - went upstairs to put on jeans and a sweatshirt in case she fell all the while singing this is the best day in the world!! Then after an hour of repeated instrucion about how to start the bike with one peddle up, how to keep her balance, how to steer away from trees, garage doors, slides and people - she got it and started to take off -- first just 2 feet alone then 3 ,4,5 and finally the whole driveway!

I know some of these differences in learning styles are male and female in nature. He is stronger physically and commanded the bike - she let the bike take her places. However some of these are personality things - he is a thinker she is a feeler. He understands how the peddles work and which way to lean - no one taught him this stuff - he just gets it and loves it. She just needed to be told - she has no interest in why the peddles move the chain and the wheels - so she needed to be told each step of the way what she needed to to do. He would not try anything until he knew he could do it , if by chance he tried something and failed he would give up -- she will try anything even if she can't do and just keep trying.

I know God is revealing all this along the way so we can fully parent according to their individual bent - put there by God himself to do great things for him when fully surrendered!

God is also using times like this for Don and I to realize more about ourselves and our bent!


The learning never ends!