life

Have you ever wondered what the number of your days is? I just have always assumed I would be around until I was old and grey. Then about 7 years ago my mom passed away suddenly. I had a 6 month old baby and really struggled with the realization that either he was going to experience what I was currently -- going through the pain of losing his mom -- or I was going to go through the pain of losing him. Yuck -- what awful thoughts to have running through your head.

They went away with time and come back now and then. Now I am faced with losing my dad -- the only way I can explain it is that I feel like I am floating -- I will have lost the generation above me -- I will lose the strength in our family - the person that ties us together -- we still vacation as a family once a year because of him -- not because we are all best friends. We remain civil with one another because of him. All I can say is that in the end I want to remember that I honored and respected him. That is what the bible commands me to do and that has been my focus for these past few weeks -- with every conversation I have with him or one of my sisters or brother.

It is easy to wonder whether it is or was my job to teach my dad about Jesus. While down in Texas over the weekend I had the privilege of sitting with my dad and saying goodbye. He shared numerous things at that time and one was -- "you and Don have tried to live a good christian life and I admire you for that" I think my dad has learned a lot about Jesus from watching my family and for that I am truly thankful.

My prayer is that I will not judge a person's life by what I see or don't see or by what I hear or don't hear -- I will love them and trust that God is working on their heart - a huge responsibility that I can not bear alone.