hope

My father's viewing was last night and the funeral service is this morning. I have had the wonderful opportunity to see how Jesus has made a difference in my life, my husband's life and my 2 children's lives just by watching how each one handled and responded to the viewing.

My 5 year old daughter with a huge heart was amazing - she comforted her 10 year old cousin who was crying and crying, she used her words to tell her how it was ok to cry and be sad, she looked right into the casket and said "it does not look like grampy anymore because all the stuff we know about him is in heaven" she handled it with so much grace and compassion - and I believe the reason it was not scary is two fold -- she knows Jesus and is learning what the bible says about death and heaven and she has never ever seen anything creepy or horror-filled like some of the things in the movies I used to watch or related to halloween. She viewed it as a natural thing.

My 7 year old son wrote a note to his cousin letting her know that he hoped she felt better. He also said "it is not really like grampy is dead he is alive in heaven forever." He is the black and white practical one! However in the car on the way to the hotel he had his arm around me rubbing the back of my neck. :)

My husband sat with my grieving brother who had been my dad's roommate and caretaker over the last seven years. He listened and supported. He was Jesus in the flesh for my brother - he showed love and compassion and understanding in a way only he could. My husband lost his dad a long time ago and also spent time being his caretaker. My husband's experience was necessary for "such a time as this". He loved by listening! My brother is learning that my family's love for him is unconditional -- I am learning how to love unconditionally.

I truly truly believe that I can love someone to Jesus - I used to think I needed to confront them to Jesus - help them see their sin. You know what? Once people know that I love them unconditionally and Jesus loves them regardless of their sin then they can begin a relationship with him and the Holy Spirit can do the transformation work -- not me!

I can only say that I am thankful to my church for helping me grow to this point over the last year. I am amazed at my heart change and how it has had a huge impact on my relationships! I have grown so much closer to Jesus and know that this is only the beginning!

leap day

For those of you reading the bible in a year -- today is a FREE day -- no reading for the 29th. But if your like me you didn't really look at the date -- you just read what was next -- hmmmm - I realized it when I was done -- oh well I am a day ahead.

life

Have you ever wondered what the number of your days is? I just have always assumed I would be around until I was old and grey. Then about 7 years ago my mom passed away suddenly. I had a 6 month old baby and really struggled with the realization that either he was going to experience what I was currently -- going through the pain of losing his mom -- or I was going to go through the pain of losing him. Yuck -- what awful thoughts to have running through your head.

They went away with time and come back now and then. Now I am faced with losing my dad -- the only way I can explain it is that I feel like I am floating -- I will have lost the generation above me -- I will lose the strength in our family - the person that ties us together -- we still vacation as a family once a year because of him -- not because we are all best friends. We remain civil with one another because of him. All I can say is that in the end I want to remember that I honored and respected him. That is what the bible commands me to do and that has been my focus for these past few weeks -- with every conversation I have with him or one of my sisters or brother.

It is easy to wonder whether it is or was my job to teach my dad about Jesus. While down in Texas over the weekend I had the privilege of sitting with my dad and saying goodbye. He shared numerous things at that time and one was -- "you and Don have tried to live a good christian life and I admire you for that" I think my dad has learned a lot about Jesus from watching my family and for that I am truly thankful.

My prayer is that I will not judge a person's life by what I see or don't see or by what I hear or don't hear -- I will love them and trust that God is working on their heart - a huge responsibility that I can not bear alone.

rain, rein, reign

Over and over again for the past few weeks these 3 little words keep coming back to me.

God rains down on me whenever I let him. He is there, full and overflowing ready to tip the bucket and pour his love out onto me -- am I going to soak it up or is it going to run right off ?

Am I going to give God the reins to my life? Will I let him steer me where he wants me to go? He knows the path that is ahead of me - the one I have never seen before. Will I listen when he nudges me right, when he tells me to jump, when he pulls me to a stop? Oh how I long to be that obedient!

He reigns! He is the King of Kings the Lord of Lords! He is the ruler - the loving, caring, compassionate One!


3 words with so much packed into them. Can I get it or is this a lesson that will be repeated over and over in my life in a painstakingly repetative manner so that I have the opportunity to own it?

generational stuff

So yesterday Exodus 34:7 got me thinking again - what's new?! I remember first reading this passage at my thursday bible study MOTTTS about 4 years ago and it really got to me. Here is the verse:

I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations.

I forgive iniquity, rebellion and sin.

But I do not excuse the guilty.

I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren;

the entire family is affected -

even children in the third and fourth generations.

Here's what went through my head that I will share with you - mostly questions not answers :)

• how many years is a generation? we aren't even a thousand generations from jesus's birth are we?
• thank goodness he forgives rebellion and sin - will I recognize all my sin and have the strength to confess it?
• what am I reaping leftover from my parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and great great grandparents?
• what can I change in this generation in order to break that generational sin pattern or cycle?
• what about my husband's parents, grandparents, etc.
• can we recognize all this -- get it out into the light - talk about it and go a different direction?
• do I realize the responsibility I have? -- what I choose to sow my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchilren will reap! That's probably 200 years from now by the time my great great grandchildren are fully grown.

What are your thoughts? Do you care to share?

God of details

Reading Exodus over the past days has been incredibly challenging because of the amount of details it contains. At first I felt like I was getting lost -- all the measurements, the colors of the threads, the type of fabric, a description of the spices and on and on and on.... Then, it came to me -- He is a God of the details -- a God of the little things -- ALL things are important to him. So instead of getting lost I became comforted - he loves me and cares about all the details of my life--he wants me to see him -- not just in the big things but in the small too - he wants me to pray and take my cares to him -- not just my big ones but my small ones too -- he already knows what they are though by bringing them to him he knows that I know "who he is" the God of ALL things!

old age

Last night while dropping my daugher off at her "slide" for children's ministry a little girl said "she needs someone with her" I said "I know I am right here and I am her mommy" and this little girl of 4 said "oh I thought you were her grandma" Her mom who was standing about 2 feet away watching the exchange replied "oh my I think she is just being silly" You know what - though it is the last thing I needed when I already struggle with feeling old all I could think at the time was - this'll make a great blog :(