wrap up

So with 2008 over and 2009 on its way in I thought I would give a quick wrap up to my post. Well I definitely did not do so great and I can pinpoint what major change threw me out of whack. For the first time in 8 years I went back to work part time. Even though it is not much and just a small attempt on my part to help out with finances it changed the way I was able to manage things.

I no longer went scrapbooking once a month on Fridays because I did not want to be away from my family since I already was gone 2 nights a week. So I obviously DID NOT get the kids scrapbooks caught up. I also stopped reading for pleasure about the same time - it just did not seem to fit in. I was not able to finish the bible in one year - and I am very disappointed but instead of dwelling on it I need to start new TODAY! I wanted to lose 10 pounds but I am the exact same weight today as I was on 1/1/08 atleast I did not gain anything!

What I am learning - or trying to learn is that we have a new "normal" around here and I need to figure out how to adjust to it - I need to not let my circumstances (working, being tired, getting behind on household stuff, etc) effect my daily mood and attitude. I have a tendency to just shut down whenever I get overwhelmed and behind - this leads to getting more overwhelmed and further behind:)

Really I want to go back to the way it was - but that is not possible right now and I know that so......I need to move forward and look forward instead of longing for what was.

I know that God knows where I am and where I want to be - I am going to trust him to adjust my attitude to where I need to be! I need to be thankful that the job I go to is fun, with great people, and at night! HE is our provider and he has provided for us this year!

So as 2009 gets started I am looking forward to finding new ways to manage the house and daily tasks that fit in with our new schedule.

I am excited to see what God has in store this year and I hope you are too!

mia

Okay so I know that I have been missing in action - there are so many contributing factors I could not explain them all in writing but I will stab at a few.

This is the first holiday season without my Dad - and no trip to Florida to see my entire family - the kids are missing their cousins and wondering when they will see them again. I think I have only missed one or two family Christmas gatherings ever! So an emotionally draining time for us as a family.

With all that is going on in the economy and Don's job being in the RV business I have taken on a part time job 2 nights a week and most Saturdays. Though it doesn't sound like much it means I am away for dinner and bedtime and miss connecting with Don in the evenings - consequently I feel drained during the day and lack the motivation to get the necessary things done around the house to keep things functioning. The good thing is - no babysitters!

Don is now in India -
(use this link to check it out)
a missions trip through GCC in the works for 9 months and this has been a main focus for us over the last 2 months - between prayers, raising support, shots and medicine, passports and visas, buying the necessary supplies, packing and repacking and mentally preparing for the time apart. Here is the latest pic from this morning. He is in the back row on the left :)

So we have had all this and more going on..... I have also had numerous blog posts that have never made it out of my head into words to my fingers and keyboard so as the weeks go on I am going to try to be a little more intentional about a lot of things - my time with Don (when he gets back of course:) keeping up with daily tasks and following through with ideas God has given me even when my circumstances seem to get in the way!

Be back soon :)

gap

A few weeks ago I heard a message at GCC about the gap between us and God and that Jesus dying on the cross fills that gap - the cross is the bridge between God and us. You may have seen it illustrated before. This time though they spoke of another gap also - the one between you (the Christ follower) - and the unbelievers. The cultural gap that keeps people from church and essentially from getting to know the love of Jesus.

Robin, Shane and Don filled that gap back in 1996 for me! They were all Christ followers who knew the love of Jesus and wanted so bad to share it with me. They invited me to church over and over and over again. They demonstrated the love of Christ in their friendship with each other and with me. I knew how much going to church meant to them and the dedication they served with each Sunday. At first I wanted friendships like they had - then I wanted more. I went to church with them and it was a God appointment. The message was just for me and was the beginning of setting me FREE from my past. Within a year I accepted Christ and was baptized a year later.

I am so grateful for these 3 people and the gap they filled - it has changed the trajectory of my life.

Whose life will benefit from me - who can I help bridge the gap between culture and church? I will trust Jesus with this!

hell on earth

Do you know any place that seems like hell on earth?

Growing up I pretty much had it easy - my family moved away from Boston when I was little and basically lived in suburban areas all my life. I am sure there where times in my parents childhood and teen years that South Boston could have seemed like hell on earth I don't know. Almost all my relatives still live in the Boston area - it was hard for my Dad to leave for his job - but he had missed out on high school to help raise his 9 younger brothers and sisters and knew he wanted to "move up" at his company to make a living for his family. Maybe since times were rough and money tight for my parents it is why they provided us with a comfortable life. I am sure they struggled with finances - but I never saw it - there was always great food on the table with a roast or steaks on Sunday - always nice clothes to wear and 2 or more cars in the driveway. Each move brought a new or almost new 4 or 5 bedroom house for our family with 5 kids. My road to college was easy and my parents were of great help.

Here was the problem: I never grew up learning about need - I can't remember being exposed to any type of service project through church, school or my family. We just basically existed comfortably - and I guess I assumed everyone did. I feel like my parents missed out on an awesome opportunity to get us outside of our "selves" - I guess we were slaves to the fire of selfishness. It wasn't until I went back to church at 29 that I heard the word "missions" - what a concept.

Today I heard a message about hell on earth and this was my take away from Rob Wegner's message:

If you are a follower of Christ you should find yourself running towards the gates of hell to rescue people and end up smelling like smoke - if not who are you following?

Did you just get hit up side the head like I did? I think my family stayed as far away from hell on this earth as possible - maybe that's what they thought it meant to be successful - escape poverty and hard times and never look back.

My Dad was a great business man - his skills could have reached so many people - my mom was so kind and she was compassionate - who forgot to tell them they were part of Jesus' plan here on earth?

Okay - I want to ...............snatch others from the fire and save them (Jude 1:23) but for now this is what my husband gets to do.

In December he is headed to a small piece of hell on earth - over in Tamil Nadu, India to help out a GCC missions team. He will get to experience running towards it and smelling like smoke. Please support him on this adventure in anyway you can - I am sure it will bring change to our whole family. If you would like to contribute financially just click on this link and you can set up a quick account at GCC and give online.

I pray that I can teach my children about what the whole world is like - not just our little slice of country in Wakarusa.

surrender

So the other day at church Dr. Bob was speaking on the bitterness that develops from past hurts that aren't forgiven -- ok that's my take on it :) I sat there thinking "thank you Jesus" for helping me get through that major thing back before Don and I were married. I also thought "wow" I am so glad that you brought me to the point of forgiveness and I know how freeing it is. I was in complete agreement with Dr. Bob - I had been where he was talking about and with God I had taken the steps necessary to get to the other side. It felt affirming and reassuring to know that I am not carrying that burden!

Then came worship :( out of my mouth came "I surrender all" and I had to choke back the tears - God got right in the middle of me - with this: you made it through the big thing but what about the small stuff - the daily stuff - do you surrender that?? I had no perfect answer for Him.

Not a service has gone by in the past 18 months that something does not hit me - a lesson to learn or a moment of gratitude - I am amazed at how present God is at GCC and I am thankful that I am able to fully engage when I am there. I am not who I was 18 months ago - and I am not who I will be 18 months from now.

So what now.... I need to bring my little stuff to Him and let it go!!

frustrated at 5:01am

So those of you that know me know that I love to sleep :) A good 9 or even 10 hours at night and I wake up on my own and feel ready to start the day. No alarm necessary my body is done sleeping.

Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!

You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.

I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.

Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!

So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.

But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:

Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!

disappointed

So it has taken me a week or 2 to write this post - mainly because I did not want to do it in anger:(

Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!

I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.

So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.

How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.

I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!

One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!