desperation

Have you ever been desperate?

SO desperate that you search and search for answers trying almost anything? I have, many times. Like when I was searching for some meaning in my life when I went to Chicago the Fall of 95 for a job. I was all alone in a new city with a new job and no friends with the realization that there must be something more. I started reading anything and everything - Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Celestine Prophecy and others. My eyes started to open to what I thought were coincidences but were really God's plan. Thank goodness God knows me well enough to know that when I search for something I will not be satisfied with lies and half truths. He knows I will not be convinced something is good or right for me when He has something else in mind.

How about when Don and I were looking for our first house - we must have looked at 20 or so. Every house we looked at could have been the right one -- we were desperate for a house - newly married just 6 months and found out we were pregnant - a house any house would do. I even looked in Millersburg and Southwest -- what???? That is not where God wanted us - or where we wanted to be -- why did I waste precious time and energy on those houses? I believe it is because for me -- it is in the searching that I discover who I am and what God wants for me. He allows me to stray this way and that knowing full well all along I will get right back on His road because it is the straight path He wants me on and I will accept nothing but the truth.

All this to say I have been searching for parenting answers for 6 years - honestly I have probably read 25 parenting books - christian and secular. Every one had something I could gleen but none resonated inside of me - something was missing and I was on a search for the answers and would not give up until I found it. I do believe God chose me to parent my kids - knowing full well I would go through the journey of how to parent them according to their bent - until I knew what their bent was. With every book I questioned my heart and mind - why are these ideas not working for my child - is it me - is it him - what is wrong with us?? Yes I thought something was wrong - we just were not like other families.

This year has been a year of answers - it is so freeing to be on the path of answers that are specifically for your own child -- not what every other parent believes you should do. We are never going to look like other families and I need to be okay with that. I still struggle a lot with the fact that it is hard for people to realize that even with the bible there is more than one way to raise a child and that not all methods work for all children even though they sound godly.

I was desperate for answers and I searched and searched and I am thankful God took me on a journey of knowledge. He knows I love to learn and He taught me all the way. He gave me answers and insight to change the way I look at things - this is our normal!

Now I ask Him for the strength to stand up when I feel like He has given me insight and to support others who feel as though they are failing because they don't seem to measure up to the families around them.