2010 family goals

We decided over lunch today that we would have some family goals for the year - figured "goals" was a kid friendly term. We discussed how they needed to be achievable but still challenging. It was a great conversation.

We started with one for each of us and then 3 family ones. So.....

• Mine is to try to read through the bible this year:):)
• Don's - to try to read through his bible this year
• Noah's - to not judge food by the way it looks
• Nina's - to try each food on her plate

Family goals:

• to play 1 family game per week
• to try to pray and read the bible before bed each night
• to work on using kind words and not interrupting and correcting each other

We want the kids to enjoy the beginning of a new year and realize they have choices and responsibilities in their lives. We are looking forward to what 2010 has to offer us and where we will be on December 31 as a family.

not a cheery post

So do you ever think about death? not really dying but just not living? I know it is not really a cheery after holidays topic but......

Yesterday I went to my husband's Aunts funeral she was in her 80's. It seems whenever I go to funerals I end up with all these pictures in my head from my mom and dad -- what they were wearing at the viewing, how their hands looked, the makeup they were wearing and so on and so on.......it takes days for me not to see them constantly and then there is another funeral for them to all come back. Easy to say I have been to 3 funerals since my dad died 18 months ago - the pictures in my head seem pretty constant.

So the pictures lead to thoughts - not about when I am going to die or how really - more about the fact that I wont be here - here on this earth - I wont exist in the physical - wont chat with my kids or my husband - wont wake up every morning and on and on......

I think I can honestly say that I think about all this often - like 3-4 times a week at least. Sometimes it starts from a conversation with someone, or something on the news or facebook, sometimes a tv show or book, almost anything can lead my thinking this direction.

Sometimes I even think about whether my family will know all the things that are in my head -- about my great aunts desk in the guest bedroom or her wedding and engagement rings in my drawer - what about Don's grandpas desk -- will they know that story, should I write them all down? Most of this comes from cleaning out my parents house after my dad died. There were so many pictures, furniture and memories -- some we knew and some we had no idea.

It is strange to think I may only be half way through my life - yet this half has gone so fast.

Alright I am not looking for answers just sharing where I am at or where I have been at for awhile now.

I think losing your parents takes you to someplace different, unexplainable, and permanent.

God's timing

Have you ever wondered where you were going or maybe how soon you were going to get there? What kind of driver and direction follower are you? I like to see the end before I begin. I read through all the directions and look at the map from here to there -- visualize it and usually that is enough to commit it to memory. Then while driving I just occasionally look at my road map for reassurance as I journey along to my destination. Don on the other hand prints out the directions and just looks at the first one or two - while driving he just stays one step ahead of where he is - "give me just the next turn please" is a familiar phrase when I want to spout out ALL the roads from Massachusetts to California.

How does this play into my understanding of God's timing and plan?

I am amazed at how often I think I can see how something is "totally God's plan" and then it never amounts to much. Sometimes I can want something so much I can find evidence to support that it must be God's plan and other times I can assume it must not be God because it makes me uncomfortable.

I am amazed at the conversations we can have then turn around and get an email on the same topic. God's plan and mine are NOT the same. It is impossible for me to figure it out -- thank goodness because that's what makes him God! It is also impossible for me to explain my heart and my decisions to people - sometimes they just don't make sense unless you really know me. There are only a few people that really know me. Of course my husband is one. He met me before I knew Jesus and watched me grow into a Christ follower - he knows my heart and sometimes can see the big picture that I cant see - it can be aggravating and comforting all at the same time.

Lately I have been uncomfortable about some things - and that is unusual for me -- I like to play it safe. Don is actually enjoying the process God is taking me through because he has been through it himself. I remember one such time a few years back - how clearly I could see what God was doing in him and for him -- and yet he could not see it and was almost willing to let it all pass by. It seems like right now Don can see clearly where God is taking me -- I, however, cannot - in no way, see it. So as I sit frustrated with myself and things around me I have a loving husband who is watching each step and smiling as God reveals his plan in his time.

This is definitely one journey I have to let play out one or two turns at a time - could be interesting!!

10 years

Friday brings 10 years of wedded bliss for Don and I:)

God has blessed us incredibly - I love him more today than I did 10 years ago and I would rather spend my time with him than with anyone else or doing anything else!

One thing that surprises me is how many changes have happened over the 10 years - here is a quick list: (I will add to it during the week as I think of more)

• 2 kids
• 2 dogs
• our 3rd house - same town
• changed churches
• we began to use twitter, facebook and blogs
• I went from teaching full time to stay at home mom to working part time evenings
• my mom and dad have both passed away
• we are each on our 3rd car or so...
• we gave away a car and a van to the same couple - approx 3 years apart
• we visited ohio, florida, and myrtle beach and don went to India
• both kids have asked Jesus into their lives and hearts
• we have each gained 20 pounds and lost it again
• we have made some great new friends
• we have lost touch with some old friends
• we have watched more than one set of some good friends divorce
• we have seen family members divorce
• we have been both blessed and challenged by God

What I know is that God has plans for us over the next 10 years - plans I can't dare to imagine!

My plan for the next 10 years -- to trust HIM - with my life, my marriage, my kids, my parenting - with it all. Even though it can be overwhelming for me - I know that nothing is too big or too small for my God.

desperation

Have you ever been desperate?

SO desperate that you search and search for answers trying almost anything? I have, many times. Like when I was searching for some meaning in my life when I went to Chicago the Fall of 95 for a job. I was all alone in a new city with a new job and no friends with the realization that there must be something more. I started reading anything and everything - Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Celestine Prophecy and others. My eyes started to open to what I thought were coincidences but were really God's plan. Thank goodness God knows me well enough to know that when I search for something I will not be satisfied with lies and half truths. He knows I will not be convinced something is good or right for me when He has something else in mind.

How about when Don and I were looking for our first house - we must have looked at 20 or so. Every house we looked at could have been the right one -- we were desperate for a house - newly married just 6 months and found out we were pregnant - a house any house would do. I even looked in Millersburg and Southwest -- what???? That is not where God wanted us - or where we wanted to be -- why did I waste precious time and energy on those houses? I believe it is because for me -- it is in the searching that I discover who I am and what God wants for me. He allows me to stray this way and that knowing full well all along I will get right back on His road because it is the straight path He wants me on and I will accept nothing but the truth.

All this to say I have been searching for parenting answers for 6 years - honestly I have probably read 25 parenting books - christian and secular. Every one had something I could gleen but none resonated inside of me - something was missing and I was on a search for the answers and would not give up until I found it. I do believe God chose me to parent my kids - knowing full well I would go through the journey of how to parent them according to their bent - until I knew what their bent was. With every book I questioned my heart and mind - why are these ideas not working for my child - is it me - is it him - what is wrong with us?? Yes I thought something was wrong - we just were not like other families.

This year has been a year of answers - it is so freeing to be on the path of answers that are specifically for your own child -- not what every other parent believes you should do. We are never going to look like other families and I need to be okay with that. I still struggle a lot with the fact that it is hard for people to realize that even with the bible there is more than one way to raise a child and that not all methods work for all children even though they sound godly.

I was desperate for answers and I searched and searched and I am thankful God took me on a journey of knowledge. He knows I love to learn and He taught me all the way. He gave me answers and insight to change the way I look at things - this is our normal!

Now I ask Him for the strength to stand up when I feel like He has given me insight and to support others who feel as though they are failing because they don't seem to measure up to the families around them.

Stranger!

I don't know you. We have never met. I am praying for you. Why? Because God asked me to during a message Rob gave at GCC. I think you were in the room too! I distinctly felt God ask me to pray for you, for where you are, where you have been and where you are going. For the journey that He can see so clearly and you are not so sure about. He reminded me of the journey I embarked on about 13 years ago. It was scary the day I realized that He loved me more than anything I had hidden in my past. It was powerful to sit in church that day and have a flashback of where I was and where He took me. I am going to keep praying for you everytime He asks me to and knowing how crazy our God is, maybe someday we will meet.

wrap up

So with 2008 over and 2009 on its way in I thought I would give a quick wrap up to my post. Well I definitely did not do so great and I can pinpoint what major change threw me out of whack. For the first time in 8 years I went back to work part time. Even though it is not much and just a small attempt on my part to help out with finances it changed the way I was able to manage things.

I no longer went scrapbooking once a month on Fridays because I did not want to be away from my family since I already was gone 2 nights a week. So I obviously DID NOT get the kids scrapbooks caught up. I also stopped reading for pleasure about the same time - it just did not seem to fit in. I was not able to finish the bible in one year - and I am very disappointed but instead of dwelling on it I need to start new TODAY! I wanted to lose 10 pounds but I am the exact same weight today as I was on 1/1/08 atleast I did not gain anything!

What I am learning - or trying to learn is that we have a new "normal" around here and I need to figure out how to adjust to it - I need to not let my circumstances (working, being tired, getting behind on household stuff, etc) effect my daily mood and attitude. I have a tendency to just shut down whenever I get overwhelmed and behind - this leads to getting more overwhelmed and further behind:)

Really I want to go back to the way it was - but that is not possible right now and I know that so......I need to move forward and look forward instead of longing for what was.

I know that God knows where I am and where I want to be - I am going to trust him to adjust my attitude to where I need to be! I need to be thankful that the job I go to is fun, with great people, and at night! HE is our provider and he has provided for us this year!

So as 2009 gets started I am looking forward to finding new ways to manage the house and daily tasks that fit in with our new schedule.

I am excited to see what God has in store this year and I hope you are too!