So the other day at church Dr. Bob was speaking on the bitterness that develops from past hurts that aren't forgiven -- ok that's my take on it :) I sat there thinking "thank you Jesus" for helping me get through that major thing back before Don and I were married. I also thought "wow" I am so glad that you brought me to the point of forgiveness and I know how freeing it is. I was in complete agreement with Dr. Bob - I had been where he was talking about and with God I had taken the steps necessary to get to the other side. It felt affirming and reassuring to know that I am not carrying that burden!
Then came worship :( out of my mouth came "I surrender all" and I had to choke back the tears - God got right in the middle of me - with this: you made it through the big thing but what about the small stuff - the daily stuff - do you surrender that?? I had no perfect answer for Him.
Not a service has gone by in the past 18 months that something does not hit me - a lesson to learn or a moment of gratitude - I am amazed at how present God is at GCC and I am thankful that I am able to fully engage when I am there. I am not who I was 18 months ago - and I am not who I will be 18 months from now.
So what now.... I need to bring my little stuff to Him and let it go!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
frustrated at 5:01am
So those of you that know me know that I love to sleep :) A good 9 or even 10 hours at night and I wake up on my own and feel ready to start the day. No alarm necessary my body is done sleeping.
Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!
You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.
I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.
Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!
So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.
But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:
Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!
Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!
You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.
I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.
Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!
So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.
But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:
Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!
disappointed
So it has taken me a week or 2 to write this post - mainly because I did not want to do it in anger:(
Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!
I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.
So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.
How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.
I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!
One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!
Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!
I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.
So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.
How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.
I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!
One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
politics
I have no desire to engage in any political debate - or really discuss politics at all. However I heard a question on the radio that intrigued me.
"Do you think that VP candidate Palin is fit for the job since her 17 year old daughter is pregnant?"
The best response I heard was this: If we are going to say that she should be able to control her daughter and since she can't she will be no good in the white house - how do we respond to Eve? Is God not "good enough" because he could not control his daughter? He gave her everything she needed - all the love and instruction necessary - yet she "chose" to sin.
I am not saying I think Palin is right for the job - I have no idea at this point. But in my opinion if I am willing to make the decision around the choices her daughter has made I would be making a grave error.
Do I want to be held to that same standard? Do I want to be "judged" on who I am based on the behavior of my son or daughter?
My parents were awesome people - and all five of their kids - me included- made some pretty serious mistakes (read "sins") - not due to them - but due to our own selfish desires!
God, Please help me refrain from being judgemental - help me love people first and provide them with all the grace and mercy necessary for them to see you in the midst of whatever comes their way. In Jesus' name Amen!
"Do you think that VP candidate Palin is fit for the job since her 17 year old daughter is pregnant?"
The best response I heard was this: If we are going to say that she should be able to control her daughter and since she can't she will be no good in the white house - how do we respond to Eve? Is God not "good enough" because he could not control his daughter? He gave her everything she needed - all the love and instruction necessary - yet she "chose" to sin.
I am not saying I think Palin is right for the job - I have no idea at this point. But in my opinion if I am willing to make the decision around the choices her daughter has made I would be making a grave error.
Do I want to be held to that same standard? Do I want to be "judged" on who I am based on the behavior of my son or daughter?
My parents were awesome people - and all five of their kids - me included- made some pretty serious mistakes (read "sins") - not due to them - but due to our own selfish desires!
God, Please help me refrain from being judgemental - help me love people first and provide them with all the grace and mercy necessary for them to see you in the midst of whatever comes their way. In Jesus' name Amen!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
book review
So I have been thinking about my bible study that is about to begin in town - MOTTTS - and thought I would share a few thoughts with you.
This year we are beginning with the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. I read this book about 3-4 years when someone mentioned it at MOTTTS and I found it at the library. I have always been meaning to buy my own copy so here will be my chance.
First, as with any book, I feel it is important to remember that it is written by a person, in this case a godly Christian women and mom. Second, I need to be able to discern what God wants me to get from the book. If I start out with a critical spirit I will probably only choose to become offended - If I start out open and willing I bet I might take away a few nuggets that will make me a better parent.
I have been learning over the past few years that it is really hard to believe that your child is born with a sin nature when they are babies and toddlers. I mean really is all that discipline stuff necessary - aren't people going overboard in their structure and ideas - there is NO WAY I would ever try that with my kid - I will never need anything like that - my kid would never......
Then my son turned 3 and I had a 1 year old daughter. I feel like God said to me "listen up now - I am giving you all these ideas for later - I know what you will need - pay close attention"
Would I ever go into battle with out any weapons? No, that would be crazy. Battle you say - raising kids is NOT a battle -- Well some days in this house it feels like it - yes, that is the right word - feels - it is just my flesh. However God says - my word is your weapon!
I am going to trust and rely on godly people and authors who share their wisdom with me so that I may have a complete arsenal as I am raising my kids. I want to be able to recognize the enemy and defeat him with God's word. I want to be able to show my kids that choices have consequences now before they are teens and adults. I don't want to be caught off guard and on empty.
I am so thankful for people like Lisa Welchel - she is willing to share all her methods for raising and disciplining her kids. Am I going to agree with everything she writes - of course not - will I debate over what she says - No - they are her weapons - what has worked in her household - and I am grateful she is willing to share even if it means that she might fight against man's approval sometimes.
Who knows when I might actually need what she has to offer - I want to face every book with godly discernment and an open mind - who knows it might actually make life a little easier:)
This year we are beginning with the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. I read this book about 3-4 years when someone mentioned it at MOTTTS and I found it at the library. I have always been meaning to buy my own copy so here will be my chance.
First, as with any book, I feel it is important to remember that it is written by a person, in this case a godly Christian women and mom. Second, I need to be able to discern what God wants me to get from the book. If I start out with a critical spirit I will probably only choose to become offended - If I start out open and willing I bet I might take away a few nuggets that will make me a better parent.
I have been learning over the past few years that it is really hard to believe that your child is born with a sin nature when they are babies and toddlers. I mean really is all that discipline stuff necessary - aren't people going overboard in their structure and ideas - there is NO WAY I would ever try that with my kid - I will never need anything like that - my kid would never......
Then my son turned 3 and I had a 1 year old daughter. I feel like God said to me "listen up now - I am giving you all these ideas for later - I know what you will need - pay close attention"
Would I ever go into battle with out any weapons? No, that would be crazy. Battle you say - raising kids is NOT a battle -- Well some days in this house it feels like it - yes, that is the right word - feels - it is just my flesh. However God says - my word is your weapon!
I am going to trust and rely on godly people and authors who share their wisdom with me so that I may have a complete arsenal as I am raising my kids. I want to be able to recognize the enemy and defeat him with God's word. I want to be able to show my kids that choices have consequences now before they are teens and adults. I don't want to be caught off guard and on empty.
I am so thankful for people like Lisa Welchel - she is willing to share all her methods for raising and disciplining her kids. Am I going to agree with everything she writes - of course not - will I debate over what she says - No - they are her weapons - what has worked in her household - and I am grateful she is willing to share even if it means that she might fight against man's approval sometimes.
Who knows when I might actually need what she has to offer - I want to face every book with godly discernment and an open mind - who knows it might actually make life a little easier:)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
time lapse
Ok so its been more than 2 weeks since my last post and really I have about 5 posts rolling around in my head. On everything from fear to failure, parenting, marriage, family etc. but they are still just that - rolling around - I just can't seem to get the words out of my head and onto the page. My husband and I have even talked about a few of the topics together. Lately it just seems like so much is going on such as:
- church - including serving for both me and my husband
- school for both kiddos now - which includes homework and packing lunches
- bible studies - Further Up Further In (mishawaka) and MOTTTS about to start in Waky
- gathering clothes for the RESALE
- Don's BDAY
- both kids birthdays in the next 2 weeks
- my once a month part time job - cleaning my sis in laws house
- my once a week part time job helping out Goshen's marching band
- and all the normal everday stuff there is to do that is neverending (see this post)
So I will let the stuff roll around a few more days and maybe it will make it to the screen!!
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