Might sound like a crazy question - am I growing? Well I am not getting any taller that is for sure:) I am gaining a few pounds but am I really growing where it matters and how would I know.
I know I am gaining or losing pounds because I get on a scale - the same scale - and I keep track of where I was, where I am and where I want to go. This is so simple it is almost like "um yea of course"
Lately I have learned that I want my kids to see how they have grown - not just physically but intellectually, emotionally and spiritually as well. The school they are attending now is really big on measuring student growth. I never understood how important this was until Noah was in first grade. We started to realize that school came easy for him - really easy for him. So he would go every morning and come home every evening for 180 days - and it felt like he did not leave with much more that he started with. Being as anylytical as I am I wanted data - yes data - show me he was growing - not just that he was doing fine.
Of course there are Istep tests - which show he is doing great - but is he growing?? Where is that information? (from what I understand we will start getting that information this year)
So this year they entered a new school and they use a MAP test from the NWEA -- it is reading and math taken 3 times a year on the computer - the test is individualized for each student - questions get harder as they get them right and easier as they get them wrong - until it sifts out right where they are at. Amazing - no longer is it about - "well yes he can accomplish the grade level skills" -- its about where is he now and where is he going - really!!
It blew me away - both kids have taken the test 2x now - they know their scores - and how much they should grow with each testing - they each have a data binder at school to see a measure of their growth. The school is taking responsibility to provide an environment for every child to grow - my kids are getting it - they like knowing where they are at and where they used to be -- they are learning that just because they are doing well they aren't expected to stop growing. (Noah still does not like school - but he is being challenged:)
We also found out that school is just as easy academically for Nina - and she loves having a tangible number to show her growth - she is getting it - just like she does when we measure her height and she grew 1/4 inch - she's excited. But most of all she realizes it would be much easier to just hang out and coast along - but that being challenged is the way to grow:)
ALL this to say - seriously I feel like I need data in or of my life to measure growth - It feels like I wake up every morning and go to bed every night and 365 days later - where am I ??
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
backwards
I thought it would be easier to share everything that has gone on - backwards - from where we are today and then fill in all the crazy details:):)
Today my hubby is gonna get up at 6am -- crazy since he has awakened at 345 am for the past 14 years. He gets to be here as the kids get ready for school and then he has the privilege of driving them to school before he heads to work. He is now the director of creative arts and community for the Elkhart campus of Granger Community Church. Most days he gets to pick them up at school and bring them home. He has already created an awesome experience for them by storytelling on every trip. It is one long story that he keeps adding to - they beg him to continue when they get home but he saves it for the ride:)
Today my kids are gonna get up at 615 and have breakfast and devotions with me then they are gonna hit the road at 7am to drive to school and arrive about 735 am. They are new students at Horizon Elementary School in the PHM district. It is 12 minutes from Don's work:) Today they will be reminded that school is to learn new things - not to do things you already know how. They will have the opportunity to be challenged and pushed to a level they still are not sure they are capable of - they will be told by teachers and us, as parents, that they are smart! They will need to work hard to activate the intellectual potential God has gifted them with for His purpose.
Do they get all this - do they like it or think it is fun - not yet! However God has guided us in this decision and we trust that he will give us what is necessary to assist them with this transition.
Today my hubby is gonna get up at 6am -- crazy since he has awakened at 345 am for the past 14 years. He gets to be here as the kids get ready for school and then he has the privilege of driving them to school before he heads to work. He is now the director of creative arts and community for the Elkhart campus of Granger Community Church. Most days he gets to pick them up at school and bring them home. He has already created an awesome experience for them by storytelling on every trip. It is one long story that he keeps adding to - they beg him to continue when they get home but he saves it for the ride:)
Today my kids are gonna get up at 615 and have breakfast and devotions with me then they are gonna hit the road at 7am to drive to school and arrive about 735 am. They are new students at Horizon Elementary School in the PHM district. It is 12 minutes from Don's work:) Today they will be reminded that school is to learn new things - not to do things you already know how. They will have the opportunity to be challenged and pushed to a level they still are not sure they are capable of - they will be told by teachers and us, as parents, that they are smart! They will need to work hard to activate the intellectual potential God has gifted them with for His purpose.
Do they get all this - do they like it or think it is fun - not yet! However God has guided us in this decision and we trust that he will give us what is necessary to assist them with this transition.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
really??
Did I really take all of 2010 off from blogging? I think about it all the time and just never do it. I am a little afraid I wont be able to put words to all that is going through my head.
So lets just say over the next few weeks I will try to get through some of the stuff that has been percolating in my head as well as in my family. So many changes have taken place in the past 3 - 6 months, mostly choices we have made but all requiring us to lean into God a little harder to know what direction to go. We have realized lately that people don't always get it when you obey God and make a choice they dont understand.
I am looking forward to reviewing some of the books I have read, sharing some of the major decisions we have made, and where we are right now in the middle of it all!!
So lets just say over the next few weeks I will try to get through some of the stuff that has been percolating in my head as well as in my family. So many changes have taken place in the past 3 - 6 months, mostly choices we have made but all requiring us to lean into God a little harder to know what direction to go. We have realized lately that people don't always get it when you obey God and make a choice they dont understand.
I am looking forward to reviewing some of the books I have read, sharing some of the major decisions we have made, and where we are right now in the middle of it all!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2010 family goals
We decided over lunch today that we would have some family goals for the year - figured "goals" was a kid friendly term. We discussed how they needed to be achievable but still challenging. It was a great conversation.
We started with one for each of us and then 3 family ones. So.....
We started with one for each of us and then 3 family ones. So.....
- Mine is to try to read through the bible this year:):)
- Don's - to try to read through his bible this year
- Noah's - to not judge food by the way it looks
- Nina's - to try each food on her plate
Family goals:
- to play 1 family game per week
- to try to pray and read the bible before bed each night
- to work on using kind words and not interrupting and correcting each other
We want the kids to enjoy the beginning of a new year and realize they have choices and responsibilities in their lives. We are looking forward to what 2010 has to offer us and where we will be on December 31 as a family.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
not a cheery post
So do you ever think about death? not really dying but just not living? I know it is not really a cheery after holidays topic but......
Yesterday I went to my husband's Aunts funeral she was in her 80's. It seems whenever I go to funerals I end up with all these pictures in my head from my mom and dad -- what they were wearing at the viewing, how their hands looked, the makeup they were wearing and so on and so on.......it takes days for me not to see them constantly and then there is another funeral for them to all come back. Easy to say I have been to 3 funerals since my dad died 18 months ago - the pictures in my head seem pretty constant.
So the pictures lead to thoughts - not about when I am going to die or how really - more about the fact that I wont be here - here on this earth - I wont exist in the physical - wont chat with my kids or my husband - wont wake up every morning and on and on......
I think I can honestly say that I think about all this often - like 3-4 times a week at least. Sometimes it starts from a conversation with someone, or something on the news or facebook, sometimes a tv show or book, almost anything can lead my thinking this direction.
Sometimes I even think about whether my family will know all the things that are in my head -- about my great aunts desk in the guest bedroom or her wedding and engagement rings in my drawer - what about Don's grandpas desk -- will they know that story, should I write them all down? Most of this comes from cleaning out my parents house after my dad died. There were so many pictures, furniture and memories -- some we knew and some we had no idea.
It is strange to think I may only be half way through my life - yet this half has gone so fast.
Alright I am not looking for answers just sharing where I am at or where I have been at for awhile now.
I think losing your parents takes you to someplace different, unexplainable, and permanent.
Yesterday I went to my husband's Aunts funeral she was in her 80's. It seems whenever I go to funerals I end up with all these pictures in my head from my mom and dad -- what they were wearing at the viewing, how their hands looked, the makeup they were wearing and so on and so on.......it takes days for me not to see them constantly and then there is another funeral for them to all come back. Easy to say I have been to 3 funerals since my dad died 18 months ago - the pictures in my head seem pretty constant.
So the pictures lead to thoughts - not about when I am going to die or how really - more about the fact that I wont be here - here on this earth - I wont exist in the physical - wont chat with my kids or my husband - wont wake up every morning and on and on......
I think I can honestly say that I think about all this often - like 3-4 times a week at least. Sometimes it starts from a conversation with someone, or something on the news or facebook, sometimes a tv show or book, almost anything can lead my thinking this direction.
Sometimes I even think about whether my family will know all the things that are in my head -- about my great aunts desk in the guest bedroom or her wedding and engagement rings in my drawer - what about Don's grandpas desk -- will they know that story, should I write them all down? Most of this comes from cleaning out my parents house after my dad died. There were so many pictures, furniture and memories -- some we knew and some we had no idea.
It is strange to think I may only be half way through my life - yet this half has gone so fast.
Alright I am not looking for answers just sharing where I am at or where I have been at for awhile now.
I think losing your parents takes you to someplace different, unexplainable, and permanent.
Friday, August 28, 2009
God's timing
Have you ever wondered where you were going or maybe how soon you were going to get there? What kind of driver and direction follower are you? I like to see the end before I begin. I read through all the directions and look at the map from here to there -- visualize it and usually that is enough to commit it to memory. Then while driving I just occasionally look at my road map for reassurance as I journey along to my destination. Don on the other hand prints out the directions and just looks at the first one or two - while driving he just stays one step ahead of where he is - "give me just the next turn please" is a familiar phrase when I want to spout out ALL the roads from Massachusetts to California.
How does this play into my understanding of God's timing and plan?
I am amazed at how often I think I can see how something is "totally God's plan" and then it never amounts to much. Sometimes I can want something so much I can find evidence to support that it must be God's plan and other times I can assume it must not be God because it makes me uncomfortable.
I am amazed at the conversations we can have then turn around and get an email on the same topic. God's plan and mine are NOT the same. It is impossible for me to figure it out -- thank goodness because that's what makes him God! It is also impossible for me to explain my heart and my decisions to people - sometimes they just don't make sense unless you really know me. There are only a few people that really know me. Of course my husband is one. He met me before I knew Jesus and watched me grow into a Christ follower - he knows my heart and sometimes can see the big picture that I cant see - it can be aggravating and comforting all at the same time.
Lately I have been uncomfortable about some things - and that is unusual for me -- I like to play it safe. Don is actually enjoying the process God is taking me through because he has been through it himself. I remember one such time a few years back - how clearly I could see what God was doing in him and for him -- and yet he could not see it and was almost willing to let it all pass by. It seems like right now Don can see clearly where God is taking me -- I, however, cannot - in no way, see it. So as I sit frustrated with myself and things around me I have a loving husband who is watching each step and smiling as God reveals his plan in his time.
This is definitely one journey I have to let play out one or two turns at a time - could be interesting!!
How does this play into my understanding of God's timing and plan?
I am amazed at how often I think I can see how something is "totally God's plan" and then it never amounts to much. Sometimes I can want something so much I can find evidence to support that it must be God's plan and other times I can assume it must not be God because it makes me uncomfortable.
I am amazed at the conversations we can have then turn around and get an email on the same topic. God's plan and mine are NOT the same. It is impossible for me to figure it out -- thank goodness because that's what makes him God! It is also impossible for me to explain my heart and my decisions to people - sometimes they just don't make sense unless you really know me. There are only a few people that really know me. Of course my husband is one. He met me before I knew Jesus and watched me grow into a Christ follower - he knows my heart and sometimes can see the big picture that I cant see - it can be aggravating and comforting all at the same time.
Lately I have been uncomfortable about some things - and that is unusual for me -- I like to play it safe. Don is actually enjoying the process God is taking me through because he has been through it himself. I remember one such time a few years back - how clearly I could see what God was doing in him and for him -- and yet he could not see it and was almost willing to let it all pass by. It seems like right now Don can see clearly where God is taking me -- I, however, cannot - in no way, see it. So as I sit frustrated with myself and things around me I have a loving husband who is watching each step and smiling as God reveals his plan in his time.
This is definitely one journey I have to let play out one or two turns at a time - could be interesting!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
10 years
Friday brings 10 years of wedded bliss for Don and I:)
God has blessed us incredibly - I love him more today than I did 10 years ago and I would rather spend my time with him than with anyone else or doing anything else!
One thing that surprises me is how many changes have happened over the 10 years - here is a quick list: (I will add to it during the week as I think of more)
What I know is that God has plans for us over the next 10 years - plans I can't dare to imagine!
My plan for the next 10 years -- to trust HIM - with my life, my marriage, my kids, my parenting - with it all. Even though it can be overwhelming for me - I know that nothing is too big or too small for my God.
God has blessed us incredibly - I love him more today than I did 10 years ago and I would rather spend my time with him than with anyone else or doing anything else!
One thing that surprises me is how many changes have happened over the 10 years - here is a quick list: (I will add to it during the week as I think of more)
- 2 kids
- 2 dogs
- our 3rd house - same town
- changed churches
- we began to use twitter, facebook and blogs
- I went from teaching full time to stay at home mom to working part time evenings
- my mom and dad have both passed away
- we are each on our 3rd car or so...
- we gave away a car and a van to the same couple - approx 3 years apart
- we visited ohio, florida, and myrtle beach and don went to India
- both kids have asked Jesus into their lives and hearts
- we have each gained 20 pounds and lost it again
- we have made some great new friends
- we have lost touch with some old friends
- we have watched more than one set of some good friends divorce
- we have seen family members divorce
- we have been both blessed and challenged by God
What I know is that God has plans for us over the next 10 years - plans I can't dare to imagine!
My plan for the next 10 years -- to trust HIM - with my life, my marriage, my kids, my parenting - with it all. Even though it can be overwhelming for me - I know that nothing is too big or too small for my God.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
desperation
Have you ever been desperate?
SO desperate that you search and search for answers trying almost anything? I have, many times. Like when I was searching for some meaning in my life when I went to Chicago the Fall of 95 for a job. I was all alone in a new city with a new job and no friends with the realization that there must be something more. I started reading anything and everything - Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Celestine Prophecy and others. My eyes started to open to what I thought were coincidences but were really God's plan. Thank goodness God knows me well enough to know that when I search for something I will not be satisfied with lies and half truths. He knows I will not be convinced something is good or right for me when He has something else in mind.
How about when Don and I were looking for our first house - we must have looked at 20 or so. Every house we looked at could have been the right one -- we were desperate for a house - newly married just 6 months and found out we were pregnant - a house any house would do. I even looked in Millersburg and Southwest -- what???? That is not where God wanted us - or where we wanted to be -- why did I waste precious time and energy on those houses? I believe it is because for me -- it is in the searching that I discover who I am and what God wants for me. He allows me to stray this way and that knowing full well all along I will get right back on His road because it is the straight path He wants me on and I will accept nothing but the truth.
All this to say I have been searching for parenting answers for 6 years - honestly I have probably read 25 parenting books - christian and secular. Every one had something I could gleen but none resonated inside of me - something was missing and I was on a search for the answers and would not give up until I found it. I do believe God chose me to parent my kids - knowing full well I would go through the journey of how to parent them according to their bent - until I knew what their bent was. With every book I questioned my heart and mind - why are these ideas not working for my child - is it me - is it him - what is wrong with us?? Yes I thought something was wrong - we just were not like other families.
This year has been a year of answers - it is so freeing to be on the path of answers that are specifically for your own child -- not what every other parent believes you should do. We are never going to look like other families and I need to be okay with that. I still struggle a lot with the fact that it is hard for people to realize that even with the bible there is more than one way to raise a child and that not all methods work for all children even though they sound godly.
I was desperate for answers and I searched and searched and I am thankful God took me on a journey of knowledge. He knows I love to learn and He taught me all the way. He gave me answers and insight to change the way I look at things - this is our normal!
Now I ask Him for the strength to stand up when I feel like He has given me insight and to support others who feel as though they are failing because they don't seem to measure up to the families around them.
SO desperate that you search and search for answers trying almost anything? I have, many times. Like when I was searching for some meaning in my life when I went to Chicago the Fall of 95 for a job. I was all alone in a new city with a new job and no friends with the realization that there must be something more. I started reading anything and everything - Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Celestine Prophecy and others. My eyes started to open to what I thought were coincidences but were really God's plan. Thank goodness God knows me well enough to know that when I search for something I will not be satisfied with lies and half truths. He knows I will not be convinced something is good or right for me when He has something else in mind.
How about when Don and I were looking for our first house - we must have looked at 20 or so. Every house we looked at could have been the right one -- we were desperate for a house - newly married just 6 months and found out we were pregnant - a house any house would do. I even looked in Millersburg and Southwest -- what???? That is not where God wanted us - or where we wanted to be -- why did I waste precious time and energy on those houses? I believe it is because for me -- it is in the searching that I discover who I am and what God wants for me. He allows me to stray this way and that knowing full well all along I will get right back on His road because it is the straight path He wants me on and I will accept nothing but the truth.
All this to say I have been searching for parenting answers for 6 years - honestly I have probably read 25 parenting books - christian and secular. Every one had something I could gleen but none resonated inside of me - something was missing and I was on a search for the answers and would not give up until I found it. I do believe God chose me to parent my kids - knowing full well I would go through the journey of how to parent them according to their bent - until I knew what their bent was. With every book I questioned my heart and mind - why are these ideas not working for my child - is it me - is it him - what is wrong with us?? Yes I thought something was wrong - we just were not like other families.
This year has been a year of answers - it is so freeing to be on the path of answers that are specifically for your own child -- not what every other parent believes you should do. We are never going to look like other families and I need to be okay with that. I still struggle a lot with the fact that it is hard for people to realize that even with the bible there is more than one way to raise a child and that not all methods work for all children even though they sound godly.
I was desperate for answers and I searched and searched and I am thankful God took me on a journey of knowledge. He knows I love to learn and He taught me all the way. He gave me answers and insight to change the way I look at things - this is our normal!
Now I ask Him for the strength to stand up when I feel like He has given me insight and to support others who feel as though they are failing because they don't seem to measure up to the families around them.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Stranger!
I don't know you. We have never met. I am praying for you. Why? Because God asked me to during a message Rob gave at GCC. I think you were in the room too! I distinctly felt God ask me to pray for you, for where you are, where you have been and where you are going. For the journey that He can see so clearly and you are not so sure about. He reminded me of the journey I embarked on about 13 years ago. It was scary the day I realized that He loved me more than anything I had hidden in my past. It was powerful to sit in church that day and have a flashback of where I was and where He took me. I am going to keep praying for you everytime He asks me to and knowing how crazy our God is, maybe someday we will meet.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
wrap up
So with 2008 over and 2009 on its way in I thought I would give a quick wrap up to my post. Well I definitely did not do so great and I can pinpoint what major change threw me out of whack. For the first time in 8 years I went back to work part time. Even though it is not much and just a small attempt on my part to help out with finances it changed the way I was able to manage things.
I no longer went scrapbooking once a month on Fridays because I did not want to be away from my family since I already was gone 2 nights a week. So I obviously DID NOT get the kids scrapbooks caught up. I also stopped reading for pleasure about the same time - it just did not seem to fit in. I was not able to finish the bible in one year - and I am very disappointed but instead of dwelling on it I need to start new TODAY! I wanted to lose 10 pounds but I am the exact same weight today as I was on 1/1/08 atleast I did not gain anything!
What I am learning - or trying to learn is that we have a new "normal" around here and I need to figure out how to adjust to it - I need to not let my circumstances (working, being tired, getting behind on household stuff, etc) effect my daily mood and attitude. I have a tendency to just shut down whenever I get overwhelmed and behind - this leads to getting more overwhelmed and further behind:)
Really I want to go back to the way it was - but that is not possible right now and I know that so......I need to move forward and look forward instead of longing for what was.
I know that God knows where I am and where I want to be - I am going to trust him to adjust my attitude to where I need to be! I need to be thankful that the job I go to is fun, with great people, and at night! HE is our provider and he has provided for us this year!
So as 2009 gets started I am looking forward to finding new ways to manage the house and daily tasks that fit in with our new schedule.
I am excited to see what God has in store this year and I hope you are too!
I no longer went scrapbooking once a month on Fridays because I did not want to be away from my family since I already was gone 2 nights a week. So I obviously DID NOT get the kids scrapbooks caught up. I also stopped reading for pleasure about the same time - it just did not seem to fit in. I was not able to finish the bible in one year - and I am very disappointed but instead of dwelling on it I need to start new TODAY! I wanted to lose 10 pounds but I am the exact same weight today as I was on 1/1/08 atleast I did not gain anything!
What I am learning - or trying to learn is that we have a new "normal" around here and I need to figure out how to adjust to it - I need to not let my circumstances (working, being tired, getting behind on household stuff, etc) effect my daily mood and attitude. I have a tendency to just shut down whenever I get overwhelmed and behind - this leads to getting more overwhelmed and further behind:)
Really I want to go back to the way it was - but that is not possible right now and I know that so......I need to move forward and look forward instead of longing for what was.
I know that God knows where I am and where I want to be - I am going to trust him to adjust my attitude to where I need to be! I need to be thankful that the job I go to is fun, with great people, and at night! HE is our provider and he has provided for us this year!
So as 2009 gets started I am looking forward to finding new ways to manage the house and daily tasks that fit in with our new schedule.
I am excited to see what God has in store this year and I hope you are too!
Monday, December 29, 2008
mia
Okay so I know that I have been missing in action - there are so many contributing factors I could not explain them all in writing but I will stab at a few.
This is the first holiday season without my Dad - and no trip to Florida to see my entire family - the kids are missing their cousins and wondering when they will see them again. I think I have only missed one or two family Christmas gatherings ever! So an emotionally draining time for us as a family.
With all that is going on in the economy and Don's job being in the RV business I have taken on a part time job 2 nights a week and most Saturdays. Though it doesn't sound like much it means I am away for dinner and bedtime and miss connecting with Don in the evenings - consequently I feel drained during the day and lack the motivation to get the necessary things done around the house to keep things functioning. The good thing is - no babysitters!
Don is now in India -
(use this link to check it out)
a missions trip through GCC in the works for 9 months and this has been a main focus for us over the last 2 months - between prayers, raising support, shots and medicine, passports and visas, buying the necessary supplies, packing and repacking and mentally preparing for the time apart. Here is the latest pic from this morning. He is in the back row on the left :)
So we have had all this and more going on..... I have also had numerous blog posts that have never made it out of my head into words to my fingers and keyboard so as the weeks go on I am going to try to be a little more intentional about a lot of things - my time with Don (when he gets back of course:) keeping up with daily tasks and following through with ideas God has given me even when my circumstances seem to get in the way!
Be back soon :)
This is the first holiday season without my Dad - and no trip to Florida to see my entire family - the kids are missing their cousins and wondering when they will see them again. I think I have only missed one or two family Christmas gatherings ever! So an emotionally draining time for us as a family.
With all that is going on in the economy and Don's job being in the RV business I have taken on a part time job 2 nights a week and most Saturdays. Though it doesn't sound like much it means I am away for dinner and bedtime and miss connecting with Don in the evenings - consequently I feel drained during the day and lack the motivation to get the necessary things done around the house to keep things functioning. The good thing is - no babysitters!
Don is now in India -
(use this link to check it out)
a missions trip through GCC in the works for 9 months and this has been a main focus for us over the last 2 months - between prayers, raising support, shots and medicine, passports and visas, buying the necessary supplies, packing and repacking and mentally preparing for the time apart. Here is the latest pic from this morning. He is in the back row on the left :)
So we have had all this and more going on..... I have also had numerous blog posts that have never made it out of my head into words to my fingers and keyboard so as the weeks go on I am going to try to be a little more intentional about a lot of things - my time with Don (when he gets back of course:) keeping up with daily tasks and following through with ideas God has given me even when my circumstances seem to get in the way!
Be back soon :)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
gap
A few weeks ago I heard a message at GCC about the gap between us and God and that Jesus dying on the cross fills that gap - the cross is the bridge between God and us. You may have seen it illustrated before. This time though they spoke of another gap also - the one between you (the Christ follower) - and the unbelievers. The cultural gap that keeps people from church and essentially from getting to know the love of Jesus.
Robin, Shane and Don filled that gap back in 1996 for me! They were all Christ followers who knew the love of Jesus and wanted so bad to share it with me. They invited me to church over and over and over again. They demonstrated the love of Christ in their friendship with each other and with me. I knew how much going to church meant to them and the dedication they served with each Sunday. At first I wanted friendships like they had - then I wanted more. I went to church with them and it was a God appointment. The message was just for me and was the beginning of setting me FREE from my past. Within a year I accepted Christ and was baptized a year later.
I am so grateful for these 3 people and the gap they filled - it has changed the trajectory of my life.
Whose life will benefit from me - who can I help bridge the gap between culture and church? I will trust Jesus with this!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
hell on earth
Do you know any place that seems like hell on earth?
Growing up I pretty much had it easy - my family moved away from Boston when I was little and basically lived in suburban areas all my life. I am sure there where times in my parents childhood and teen years that South Boston could have seemed like hell on earth I don't know. Almost all my relatives still live in the Boston area - it was hard for my Dad to leave for his job - but he had missed out on high school to help raise his 9 younger brothers and sisters and knew he wanted to "move up" at his company to make a living for his family. Maybe since times were rough and money tight for my parents it is why they provided us with a comfortable life. I am sure they struggled with finances - but I never saw it - there was always great food on the table with a roast or steaks on Sunday - always nice clothes to wear and 2 or more cars in the driveway. Each move brought a new or almost new 4 or 5 bedroom house for our family with 5 kids. My road to college was easy and my parents were of great help.
Here was the problem: I never grew up learning about need - I can't remember being exposed to any type of service project through church, school or my family. We just basically existed comfortably - and I guess I assumed everyone did. I feel like my parents missed out on an awesome opportunity to get us outside of our "selves" - I guess we were slaves to the fire of selfishness. It wasn't until I went back to church at 29 that I heard the word "missions" - what a concept.
Today I heard a message about hell on earth and this was my take away from Rob Wegner's message:
If you are a follower of Christ you should find yourself running towards the gates of hell to rescue people and end up smelling like smoke - if not who are you following?
Did you just get hit up side the head like I did? I think my family stayed as far away from hell on this earth as possible - maybe that's what they thought it meant to be successful - escape poverty and hard times and never look back.
My Dad was a great business man - his skills could have reached so many people - my mom was so kind and she was compassionate - who forgot to tell them they were part of Jesus' plan here on earth?
Okay - I want to ...............snatch others from the fire and save them (Jude 1:23) but for now this is what my husband gets to do.
In December he is headed to a small piece of hell on earth - over in Tamil Nadu, India to help out a GCC missions team. He will get to experience running towards it and smelling like smoke. Please support him on this adventure in anyway you can - I am sure it will bring change to our whole family. If you would like to contribute financially just click on this link and you can set up a quick account at GCC and give online.
I pray that I can teach my children about what the whole world is like - not just our little slice of country in Wakarusa.
Growing up I pretty much had it easy - my family moved away from Boston when I was little and basically lived in suburban areas all my life. I am sure there where times in my parents childhood and teen years that South Boston could have seemed like hell on earth I don't know. Almost all my relatives still live in the Boston area - it was hard for my Dad to leave for his job - but he had missed out on high school to help raise his 9 younger brothers and sisters and knew he wanted to "move up" at his company to make a living for his family. Maybe since times were rough and money tight for my parents it is why they provided us with a comfortable life. I am sure they struggled with finances - but I never saw it - there was always great food on the table with a roast or steaks on Sunday - always nice clothes to wear and 2 or more cars in the driveway. Each move brought a new or almost new 4 or 5 bedroom house for our family with 5 kids. My road to college was easy and my parents were of great help.
Here was the problem: I never grew up learning about need - I can't remember being exposed to any type of service project through church, school or my family. We just basically existed comfortably - and I guess I assumed everyone did. I feel like my parents missed out on an awesome opportunity to get us outside of our "selves" - I guess we were slaves to the fire of selfishness. It wasn't until I went back to church at 29 that I heard the word "missions" - what a concept.
Today I heard a message about hell on earth and this was my take away from Rob Wegner's message:
If you are a follower of Christ you should find yourself running towards the gates of hell to rescue people and end up smelling like smoke - if not who are you following?
Did you just get hit up side the head like I did? I think my family stayed as far away from hell on this earth as possible - maybe that's what they thought it meant to be successful - escape poverty and hard times and never look back.
My Dad was a great business man - his skills could have reached so many people - my mom was so kind and she was compassionate - who forgot to tell them they were part of Jesus' plan here on earth?
Okay - I want to ...............snatch others from the fire and save them (Jude 1:23) but for now this is what my husband gets to do.
In December he is headed to a small piece of hell on earth - over in Tamil Nadu, India to help out a GCC missions team. He will get to experience running towards it and smelling like smoke. Please support him on this adventure in anyway you can - I am sure it will bring change to our whole family. If you would like to contribute financially just click on this link and you can set up a quick account at GCC and give online.
I pray that I can teach my children about what the whole world is like - not just our little slice of country in Wakarusa.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
surrender
So the other day at church Dr. Bob was speaking on the bitterness that develops from past hurts that aren't forgiven -- ok that's my take on it :) I sat there thinking "thank you Jesus" for helping me get through that major thing back before Don and I were married. I also thought "wow" I am so glad that you brought me to the point of forgiveness and I know how freeing it is. I was in complete agreement with Dr. Bob - I had been where he was talking about and with God I had taken the steps necessary to get to the other side. It felt affirming and reassuring to know that I am not carrying that burden!
Then came worship :( out of my mouth came "I surrender all" and I had to choke back the tears - God got right in the middle of me - with this: you made it through the big thing but what about the small stuff - the daily stuff - do you surrender that?? I had no perfect answer for Him.
Not a service has gone by in the past 18 months that something does not hit me - a lesson to learn or a moment of gratitude - I am amazed at how present God is at GCC and I am thankful that I am able to fully engage when I am there. I am not who I was 18 months ago - and I am not who I will be 18 months from now.
So what now.... I need to bring my little stuff to Him and let it go!!
Then came worship :( out of my mouth came "I surrender all" and I had to choke back the tears - God got right in the middle of me - with this: you made it through the big thing but what about the small stuff - the daily stuff - do you surrender that?? I had no perfect answer for Him.
Not a service has gone by in the past 18 months that something does not hit me - a lesson to learn or a moment of gratitude - I am amazed at how present God is at GCC and I am thankful that I am able to fully engage when I am there. I am not who I was 18 months ago - and I am not who I will be 18 months from now.
So what now.... I need to bring my little stuff to Him and let it go!!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
frustrated at 5:01am
So those of you that know me know that I love to sleep :) A good 9 or even 10 hours at night and I wake up on my own and feel ready to start the day. No alarm necessary my body is done sleeping.
Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!
You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.
I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.
Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!
So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.
But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:
Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!
Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!
You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.
I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.
Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!
So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.
But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:
Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!
disappointed
So it has taken me a week or 2 to write this post - mainly because I did not want to do it in anger:(
Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!
I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.
So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.
How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.
I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!
One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!
Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!
I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.
So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.
How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.
I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!
One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
politics
I have no desire to engage in any political debate - or really discuss politics at all. However I heard a question on the radio that intrigued me.
"Do you think that VP candidate Palin is fit for the job since her 17 year old daughter is pregnant?"
The best response I heard was this: If we are going to say that she should be able to control her daughter and since she can't she will be no good in the white house - how do we respond to Eve? Is God not "good enough" because he could not control his daughter? He gave her everything she needed - all the love and instruction necessary - yet she "chose" to sin.
I am not saying I think Palin is right for the job - I have no idea at this point. But in my opinion if I am willing to make the decision around the choices her daughter has made I would be making a grave error.
Do I want to be held to that same standard? Do I want to be "judged" on who I am based on the behavior of my son or daughter?
My parents were awesome people - and all five of their kids - me included- made some pretty serious mistakes (read "sins") - not due to them - but due to our own selfish desires!
God, Please help me refrain from being judgemental - help me love people first and provide them with all the grace and mercy necessary for them to see you in the midst of whatever comes their way. In Jesus' name Amen!
"Do you think that VP candidate Palin is fit for the job since her 17 year old daughter is pregnant?"
The best response I heard was this: If we are going to say that she should be able to control her daughter and since she can't she will be no good in the white house - how do we respond to Eve? Is God not "good enough" because he could not control his daughter? He gave her everything she needed - all the love and instruction necessary - yet she "chose" to sin.
I am not saying I think Palin is right for the job - I have no idea at this point. But in my opinion if I am willing to make the decision around the choices her daughter has made I would be making a grave error.
Do I want to be held to that same standard? Do I want to be "judged" on who I am based on the behavior of my son or daughter?
My parents were awesome people - and all five of their kids - me included- made some pretty serious mistakes (read "sins") - not due to them - but due to our own selfish desires!
God, Please help me refrain from being judgemental - help me love people first and provide them with all the grace and mercy necessary for them to see you in the midst of whatever comes their way. In Jesus' name Amen!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
book review
So I have been thinking about my bible study that is about to begin in town - MOTTTS - and thought I would share a few thoughts with you.
This year we are beginning with the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. I read this book about 3-4 years when someone mentioned it at MOTTTS and I found it at the library. I have always been meaning to buy my own copy so here will be my chance.
First, as with any book, I feel it is important to remember that it is written by a person, in this case a godly Christian women and mom. Second, I need to be able to discern what God wants me to get from the book. If I start out with a critical spirit I will probably only choose to become offended - If I start out open and willing I bet I might take away a few nuggets that will make me a better parent.
I have been learning over the past few years that it is really hard to believe that your child is born with a sin nature when they are babies and toddlers. I mean really is all that discipline stuff necessary - aren't people going overboard in their structure and ideas - there is NO WAY I would ever try that with my kid - I will never need anything like that - my kid would never......
Then my son turned 3 and I had a 1 year old daughter. I feel like God said to me "listen up now - I am giving you all these ideas for later - I know what you will need - pay close attention"
Would I ever go into battle with out any weapons? No, that would be crazy. Battle you say - raising kids is NOT a battle -- Well some days in this house it feels like it - yes, that is the right word - feels - it is just my flesh. However God says - my word is your weapon!
I am going to trust and rely on godly people and authors who share their wisdom with me so that I may have a complete arsenal as I am raising my kids. I want to be able to recognize the enemy and defeat him with God's word. I want to be able to show my kids that choices have consequences now before they are teens and adults. I don't want to be caught off guard and on empty.
I am so thankful for people like Lisa Welchel - she is willing to share all her methods for raising and disciplining her kids. Am I going to agree with everything she writes - of course not - will I debate over what she says - No - they are her weapons - what has worked in her household - and I am grateful she is willing to share even if it means that she might fight against man's approval sometimes.
Who knows when I might actually need what she has to offer - I want to face every book with godly discernment and an open mind - who knows it might actually make life a little easier:)
This year we are beginning with the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. I read this book about 3-4 years when someone mentioned it at MOTTTS and I found it at the library. I have always been meaning to buy my own copy so here will be my chance.
First, as with any book, I feel it is important to remember that it is written by a person, in this case a godly Christian women and mom. Second, I need to be able to discern what God wants me to get from the book. If I start out with a critical spirit I will probably only choose to become offended - If I start out open and willing I bet I might take away a few nuggets that will make me a better parent.
I have been learning over the past few years that it is really hard to believe that your child is born with a sin nature when they are babies and toddlers. I mean really is all that discipline stuff necessary - aren't people going overboard in their structure and ideas - there is NO WAY I would ever try that with my kid - I will never need anything like that - my kid would never......
Then my son turned 3 and I had a 1 year old daughter. I feel like God said to me "listen up now - I am giving you all these ideas for later - I know what you will need - pay close attention"
Would I ever go into battle with out any weapons? No, that would be crazy. Battle you say - raising kids is NOT a battle -- Well some days in this house it feels like it - yes, that is the right word - feels - it is just my flesh. However God says - my word is your weapon!
I am going to trust and rely on godly people and authors who share their wisdom with me so that I may have a complete arsenal as I am raising my kids. I want to be able to recognize the enemy and defeat him with God's word. I want to be able to show my kids that choices have consequences now before they are teens and adults. I don't want to be caught off guard and on empty.
I am so thankful for people like Lisa Welchel - she is willing to share all her methods for raising and disciplining her kids. Am I going to agree with everything she writes - of course not - will I debate over what she says - No - they are her weapons - what has worked in her household - and I am grateful she is willing to share even if it means that she might fight against man's approval sometimes.
Who knows when I might actually need what she has to offer - I want to face every book with godly discernment and an open mind - who knows it might actually make life a little easier:)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
time lapse
Ok so its been more than 2 weeks since my last post and really I have about 5 posts rolling around in my head. On everything from fear to failure, parenting, marriage, family etc. but they are still just that - rolling around - I just can't seem to get the words out of my head and onto the page. My husband and I have even talked about a few of the topics together. Lately it just seems like so much is going on such as:
- church - including serving for both me and my husband
- school for both kiddos now - which includes homework and packing lunches
- bible studies - Further Up Further In (mishawaka) and MOTTTS about to start in Waky
- gathering clothes for the RESALE
- Don's BDAY
- both kids birthdays in the next 2 weeks
- my once a month part time job - cleaning my sis in laws house
- my once a week part time job helping out Goshen's marching band
- and all the normal everday stuff there is to do that is neverending (see this post)
So I will let the stuff roll around a few more days and maybe it will make it to the screen!!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
little minds
You know the verse about train up a child in the way they should go - according to their bent!
Well even though my parents went to church I don't think they knew this verse or spent much time on the according to their bent part. Not in a bad way - I just think their generation of parents functioned by spending quality time with their kids - not trying to figure them out!
Why all this you say? Well I happen to have a very interesting young boy whose bent is different than anyone in the family - he is, I believe asbstract sequential. This means he is very creative - capable of inventing amazing things with recycled goods, always has a project going in his head and would like to always have one going in the house, he designs things, his brain is always going, how does that work?, why?, I think.....
However, he also thrives on structure - doing things in a natural order and always doing it that way - this is tough for me in someways - I am structured too but not to the extent he is - if we are inconsistent he picks up on it right away - it is hard for him.
He is at his best when:
- there is freedom in the house for him to follow through with the latest idea for the project in his head - this may mean the machine he invented at a camp this summer, a the parachute he made for himself, or a recycled 3 foot snow globe in the kitchen powered by a small fan - yes, really, look at the pictures
- there is still a common structure in the home - breakfast at 7 lunch at 1130 dad home by 330 dinner around 530 and in bed by 8 at the latest
- you are available to help him at any moment with his idea - they are so big in his head yet he is not yet capable of carrying them out alone - grandma is great at this!
- the input going in his head causes him to grow - enjoys watching the news, having me read the newspaper, watching old NASA dvds, etc.
- no one - especially his sister - bothers him
- there is an organized (by his standards) mess in his room - not chaos though
- he is allowed to keep EVERYTING - every scrap of paper, miscellaneous screw, wood, egg carton, etc. they all have a project waiting
You might be thinking hmmmm or wow or even Oh my goodness!
His "bent" is so complicated I have trouble parenting it successfully. I am caught in a battle between who he is and what he "needs" to be according to the world, his school and our family.
I honestly have come to the point that most, if not all, of our struggles with him have to do with not understanding his bent. The quickest label would be strong willed - but that would not do him justice - it has something to do with his way of thinking and he does not understand at 7 1/2 that we all don't think that way - how come we don't get it - what's so tough about it.
I believe there are great things in his future - I believe God has a plan for him - I also believe I can sidetrack that plan by squelching his continued processing and designing because it does not "fit" or looks out of place in this "world"
He is very fragile emotionally - he is 7 - but his vocabulary is crazy - so he makes you think he has it all together with his words - but on the inside he is melting down. My husband has been slowly discovering the inner workings of Noah's emotions after many difficult melt downs. He is awesome at "debreifing" and getting to the root.
All this is to say that "little minds" are way more complicated than we think and what we see and hear are not always a fair way to judge who they are - no matter how they think they still are only as old as they are - in this case 7!!
Lord please help do what you want me to do - help me rely on you and your wisdom about the little boy you designed to be Noah, help me to follow whatever you lay on my heart and not dismiss it because it doesn't line up with other parents or society - continue to give me insight into his bent so I can parent him in your way! In Jesus Name AMEN!!!
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