mia

Okay so I know that I have been missing in action - there are so many contributing factors I could not explain them all in writing but I will stab at a few.

This is the first holiday season without my Dad - and no trip to Florida to see my entire family - the kids are missing their cousins and wondering when they will see them again. I think I have only missed one or two family Christmas gatherings ever! So an emotionally draining time for us as a family.

With all that is going on in the economy and Don's job being in the RV business I have taken on a part time job 2 nights a week and most Saturdays. Though it doesn't sound like much it means I am away for dinner and bedtime and miss connecting with Don in the evenings - consequently I feel drained during the day and lack the motivation to get the necessary things done around the house to keep things functioning. The good thing is - no babysitters!

Don is now in India -
(use this link to check it out)
a missions trip through GCC in the works for 9 months and this has been a main focus for us over the last 2 months - between prayers, raising support, shots and medicine, passports and visas, buying the necessary supplies, packing and repacking and mentally preparing for the time apart. Here is the latest pic from this morning. He is in the back row on the left :)

So we have had all this and more going on..... I have also had numerous blog posts that have never made it out of my head into words to my fingers and keyboard so as the weeks go on I am going to try to be a little more intentional about a lot of things - my time with Don (when he gets back of course:) keeping up with daily tasks and following through with ideas God has given me even when my circumstances seem to get in the way!

Be back soon :)

gap

A few weeks ago I heard a message at GCC about the gap between us and God and that Jesus dying on the cross fills that gap - the cross is the bridge between God and us. You may have seen it illustrated before. This time though they spoke of another gap also - the one between you (the Christ follower) - and the unbelievers. The cultural gap that keeps people from church and essentially from getting to know the love of Jesus.

Robin, Shane and Don filled that gap back in 1996 for me! They were all Christ followers who knew the love of Jesus and wanted so bad to share it with me. They invited me to church over and over and over again. They demonstrated the love of Christ in their friendship with each other and with me. I knew how much going to church meant to them and the dedication they served with each Sunday. At first I wanted friendships like they had - then I wanted more. I went to church with them and it was a God appointment. The message was just for me and was the beginning of setting me FREE from my past. Within a year I accepted Christ and was baptized a year later.

I am so grateful for these 3 people and the gap they filled - it has changed the trajectory of my life.

Whose life will benefit from me - who can I help bridge the gap between culture and church? I will trust Jesus with this!

hell on earth

Do you know any place that seems like hell on earth?

Growing up I pretty much had it easy - my family moved away from Boston when I was little and basically lived in suburban areas all my life. I am sure there where times in my parents childhood and teen years that South Boston could have seemed like hell on earth I don't know. Almost all my relatives still live in the Boston area - it was hard for my Dad to leave for his job - but he had missed out on high school to help raise his 9 younger brothers and sisters and knew he wanted to "move up" at his company to make a living for his family. Maybe since times were rough and money tight for my parents it is why they provided us with a comfortable life. I am sure they struggled with finances - but I never saw it - there was always great food on the table with a roast or steaks on Sunday - always nice clothes to wear and 2 or more cars in the driveway. Each move brought a new or almost new 4 or 5 bedroom house for our family with 5 kids. My road to college was easy and my parents were of great help.

Here was the problem: I never grew up learning about need - I can't remember being exposed to any type of service project through church, school or my family. We just basically existed comfortably - and I guess I assumed everyone did. I feel like my parents missed out on an awesome opportunity to get us outside of our "selves" - I guess we were slaves to the fire of selfishness. It wasn't until I went back to church at 29 that I heard the word "missions" - what a concept.

Today I heard a message about hell on earth and this was my take away from Rob Wegner's message:

If you are a follower of Christ you should find yourself running towards the gates of hell to rescue people and end up smelling like smoke - if not who are you following?

Did you just get hit up side the head like I did? I think my family stayed as far away from hell on this earth as possible - maybe that's what they thought it meant to be successful - escape poverty and hard times and never look back.

My Dad was a great business man - his skills could have reached so many people - my mom was so kind and she was compassionate - who forgot to tell them they were part of Jesus' plan here on earth?

Okay - I want to ...............snatch others from the fire and save them (Jude 1:23) but for now this is what my husband gets to do.

In December he is headed to a small piece of hell on earth - over in Tamil Nadu, India to help out a GCC missions team. He will get to experience running towards it and smelling like smoke. Please support him on this adventure in anyway you can - I am sure it will bring change to our whole family. If you would like to contribute financially just click on this link and you can set up a quick account at GCC and give online.

I pray that I can teach my children about what the whole world is like - not just our little slice of country in Wakarusa.

surrender

So the other day at church Dr. Bob was speaking on the bitterness that develops from past hurts that aren't forgiven -- ok that's my take on it :) I sat there thinking "thank you Jesus" for helping me get through that major thing back before Don and I were married. I also thought "wow" I am so glad that you brought me to the point of forgiveness and I know how freeing it is. I was in complete agreement with Dr. Bob - I had been where he was talking about and with God I had taken the steps necessary to get to the other side. It felt affirming and reassuring to know that I am not carrying that burden!

Then came worship :( out of my mouth came "I surrender all" and I had to choke back the tears - God got right in the middle of me - with this: you made it through the big thing but what about the small stuff - the daily stuff - do you surrender that?? I had no perfect answer for Him.

Not a service has gone by in the past 18 months that something does not hit me - a lesson to learn or a moment of gratitude - I am amazed at how present God is at GCC and I am thankful that I am able to fully engage when I am there. I am not who I was 18 months ago - and I am not who I will be 18 months from now.

So what now.... I need to bring my little stuff to Him and let it go!!

frustrated at 5:01am

So those of you that know me know that I love to sleep :) A good 9 or even 10 hours at night and I wake up on my own and feel ready to start the day. No alarm necessary my body is done sleeping.

Okay so I know that is not reality for most of you - and it isn't for me anymore either - aaarrrgghhhh!

You know that changes post I made earlier this summer? Well -- so the dog is getting in the way of some of my sleep - and it is hard! We have only had him for 2 months so he is still adjusting to home life out of a crate and racing! So when my husband gets up in the morning at 4:15 to go to work I get up to help with the DOG - really I do and I can't believe it.

I let him out and then crawl on the couch in front of AG DAY TODAY! Then when my husband leaves at 5 --I feed the dog so the "transition" is easier - he misses Don and has a tendency to wonder and whine. Then I crawl back on the couch til 6:15 or so and get up to start the school day preparations.

Now somedays I actually use the time and others I sleep - I had great intentions in the beginning. But by 1 pm I am so exhausted I don't know my name and my body and face are starting to show it. I never realized how much sleep did to stave off the signs of aging on a person's face. Even my Arbonne is having trouble making a difference!

So why post this today you ask?? Well if you note the day and time -- it is a Saturday morning when we could be sleeping in and I am up - have been out of bed since 5:01 and awake off and on since 1 am. The dog kept pacing the bedroom - Finally at 5 I gave up and came downstairs with him - let him out then crawled on the couch.

But, he wanted to play - he barked for 5 minutes straight (and woke up my 8 year old) - tried to run laps in the house - and if you know anything about my house and the fact he is a greyhound - it did not really work. Finally I went and reheated a day old cup of coffee and came to the computer. Here is what he looks like now:

Yea - he is all comfy cozy on one of his deluxe dog beds and I am typing away. Something seems wrong with this picture. But I will remember we adopted him and saved him from the possibility of being put to sleep since there are still so many racing greyhounds that they can not find homes for!

disappointed

So it has taken me a week or 2 to write this post - mainly because I did not want to do it in anger:(

Last week I was at the store getting things for one of the kids birthday parties and when I started loading the car I noticed that someone had hit my car. Now it was just the rear bumper but it had 2 blackish scrapes on it and it is white!

I immediately called my husband and he said "oh yea I meant to tell you about that --I think it happened at church the other night". I was quite surprised and asked what he meant. He said "remember when you were coming out and I was already in the car? I felt the car move as someone was pulling in next to us - but I asked Noah and he did not really notice --I think that is when it happened." My reply was - oh yea that teenage boy - I had to wait for him to finish pulling in before I could get in the car.

So I was a little frustrated - the car is only a year old - I was surprised by it and I was saddened that the teenager did not say anything. I personally hope he doesn't even know he did it -- otherwise he has to walk around with it inside and everytime he goes to pull in the parking lot it is going to rear its ugly head.

How many things do we have like that - that we try to "get away with"? It is so hard to know that God knows even if we don't want anyone to and even if we try to deny it happened by not telling anyone.

I know God does not want me to live that way. I want to raise my kids to free themselves from the shame and guilt that fester when you hide things!

One of my bible studies is headed to the spiritual disciplines of confession - should be interesting!

politics

I have no desire to engage in any political debate - or really discuss politics at all. However I heard a question on the radio that intrigued me.

"Do you think that VP candidate Palin is fit for the job since her 17 year old daughter is pregnant?"

The best response I heard was this: If we are going to say that she should be able to control her daughter and since she can't she will be no good in the white house - how do we respond to Eve? Is God not "good enough" because he could not control his daughter? He gave her everything she needed - all the love and instruction necessary - yet she "chose" to sin.

I am not saying I think Palin is right for the job - I have no idea at this point. But in my opinion if I am willing to make the decision around the choices her daughter has made I would be making a grave error.

Do I want to be held to that same standard? Do I want to be "judged" on who I am based on the behavior of my son or daughter?

My parents were awesome people - and all five of their kids - me included- made some pretty serious mistakes (read "sins") - not due to them - but due to our own selfish desires!

God, Please help me refrain from being judgemental - help me love people first and provide them with all the grace and mercy necessary for them to see you in the midst of whatever comes their way. In Jesus' name Amen!

book review

So I have been thinking about my bible study that is about to begin in town - MOTTTS - and thought I would share a few thoughts with you.

This year we are beginning with the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. I read this book about 3-4 years when someone mentioned it at MOTTTS and I found it at the library. I have always been meaning to buy my own copy so here will be my chance.

First, as with any book, I feel it is important to remember that it is written by a person, in this case a godly Christian women and mom. Second, I need to be able to discern what God wants me to get from the book. If I start out with a critical spirit I will probably only choose to become offended - If I start out open and willing I bet I might take away a few nuggets that will make me a better parent.

I have been learning over the past few years that it is really hard to believe that your child is born with a sin nature when they are babies and toddlers. I mean really is all that discipline stuff necessary - aren't people going overboard in their structure and ideas - there is NO WAY I would ever try that with my kid - I will never need anything like that - my kid would never......

Then my son turned 3 and I had a 1 year old daughter. I feel like God said to me "listen up now - I am giving you all these ideas for later - I know what you will need - pay close attention"

Would I ever go into battle with out any weapons? No, that would be crazy. Battle you say - raising kids is NOT a battle -- Well some days in this house it feels like it - yes, that is the right word - feels - it is just my flesh. However God says - my word is your weapon!

I am going to trust and rely on godly people and authors who share their wisdom with me so that I may have a complete arsenal as I am raising my kids. I want to be able to recognize the enemy and defeat him with God's word. I want to be able to show my kids that choices have consequences now before they are teens and adults. I don't want to be caught off guard and on empty.

I am so thankful for people like Lisa Welchel - she is willing to share all her methods for raising and disciplining her kids. Am I going to agree with everything she writes - of course not - will I debate over what she says - No - they are her weapons - what has worked in her household - and I am grateful she is willing to share even if it means that she might fight against man's approval sometimes.

Who knows when I might actually need what she has to offer - I want to face every book with godly discernment and an open mind - who knows it might actually make life a little easier:)

time lapse

Ok so its been more than 2 weeks since my last post and really I have about 5 posts rolling around in my head. On everything from fear to failure, parenting, marriage, family etc. but they are still just that - rolling around - I just can't seem to get the words out of my head and onto the page. My husband and I have even talked about a few of the topics together. Lately it just seems like so much is going on such as:

• church - including serving for both me and my husband


• school for both kiddos now - which includes homework and packing lunches


• bible studies - Further Up Further In (mishawaka) and MOTTTS about to start in Waky


• gathering clothes for the RESALE


• Don's BDAY


• both kids birthdays in the next 2 weeks


• my once a month part time job - cleaning my sis in laws house


• my once a week part time job helping out Goshen's marching band


• and all the normal everday stuff there is to do that is neverending (see this post)

So I will let the stuff roll around a few more days and maybe it will make it to the screen!!

little minds

You know the verse about train up a child in the way they should go - according to their bent!

Well even though my parents went to church I don't think they knew this verse or spent much time on the according to their bent part. Not in a bad way - I just think their generation of parents functioned by spending quality time with their kids - not trying to figure them out!

Why all this you say? Well I happen to have a very interesting young boy whose bent is different than anyone in the family - he is, I believe asbstract sequential. This means he is very creative - capable of inventing amazing things with recycled goods, always has a project going in his head and would like to always have one going in the house, he designs things, his brain is always going, how does that work?, why?, I think.....

However, he also thrives on structure - doing things in a natural order and always doing it that way - this is tough for me in someways - I am structured too but not to the extent he is - if we are inconsistent he picks up on it right away - it is hard for him.

He is at his best when:

• there is freedom in the house for him to follow through with the latest idea for the project in his head - this may mean the machine he invented at a camp this summer, a the parachute he made for himself, or a recycled 3 foot snow globe in the kitchen powered by a small fan - yes, really, look at the pictures

• there is still a common structure in the home - breakfast at 7 lunch at 1130 dad home by 330 dinner around 530 and in bed by 8 at the latest



• you are available to help him at any moment with his idea - they are so big in his head yet he is not yet capable of carrying them out alone - grandma is great at this!



• the input going in his head causes him to grow - enjoys watching the news, having me read the newspaper, watching old NASA dvds, etc.



• no one - especially his sister - bothers him



• there is an organized (by his standards) mess in his room - not chaos though



• he is allowed to keep EVERYTING - every scrap of paper, miscellaneous screw, wood, egg carton, etc. they all have a project waiting

You might be thinking hmmmm or wow or even Oh my goodness!

His "bent" is so complicated I have trouble parenting it successfully. I am caught in a battle between who he is and what he "needs" to be according to the world, his school and our family.

I honestly have come to the point that most, if not all, of our struggles with him have to do with not understanding his bent. The quickest label would be strong willed - but that would not do him justice - it has something to do with his way of thinking and he does not understand at 7 1/2 that we all don't think that way - how come we don't get it - what's so tough about it.

I believe there are great things in his future - I believe God has a plan for him - I also believe I can sidetrack that plan by squelching his continued processing and designing because it does not "fit" or looks out of place in this "world"

He is very fragile emotionally - he is 7 - but his vocabulary is crazy - so he makes you think he has it all together with his words - but on the inside he is melting down. My husband has been slowly discovering the inner workings of Noah's emotions after many difficult melt downs. He is awesome at "debreifing" and getting to the root.

All this is to say that "little minds" are way more complicated than we think and what we see and hear are not always a fair way to judge who they are - no matter how they think they still are only as old as they are - in this case 7!!

Lord please help do what you want me to do - help me rely on you and your wisdom about the little boy you designed to be Noah, help me to follow whatever you lay on my heart and not dismiss it because it doesn't line up with other parents or society - continue to give me insight into his bent so I can parent him in your way! In Jesus Name AMEN!!!

words

Our church is going through a lot of change - one of the slogans happens to be "change is good" another one is "count me in". This all comes on the heels of the REVEAL survey results. This morning at breakfast we were talking about the New Community move from Thursday night to Wednesday night and how it would impact our family. While we were talking my daughter Nina said yes change is good! I asked where she heard that because I could not believe it. Her reply - Adventures in Odyssey - too cute.

This may seem like only words from a 5 year old - but actually they are quite profound - in the past year we made a major change in our church home and though it was hard both kids got on board and understood we were following God - a change that he had in mind for us. We talk a lot as a family and we explained why GCC was making changes -- to grow people and help us get closer to Christ - they get it!

Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough to raise up Christ Followers and then I need to remember they are the generation of change - I did not follow Christ until I was 30 - this is all they know and when they get married and have kids THIS will be their starting point.

At this stage I need all the help I can get - from God, my husband, the church and our community. I need to be grateful and thankful for the life that God has given me, for my godly husband, for an awesome church that provides excellent opportunities that challenge me, that we live in a community that following Christ is more common than NOT!

Ephesians 3:20

summer

It is almost over! Well I know not technically but at least in the terms of school vacation it is. I love my kids and so far God has not asked me to homeschool so..... I am excited that school starts in 2 weeks -- not really that they will be gone during the day - or half day for kindergarten. But that they will have something that is theirs individually again. A sense of indivuality that comes with school and a sense of structure that they need.

I personally feel that summer vacation is too long for my kids - they would do better with a lot more breaks during the school year -- like 9 weeks on 3 weeks off or something. Not only would they probably retain more but they would enjoy the 3 weeks and then go back before they got to the point of being crabby and irritating to each other!!!

I know as a mom I should savor this time -- it is going fast and I am sure that each summer will fly by and before I know it we will be at high school graduation.

However I do desire a time that has more sanity and less chaos. My husband asked me a question the other day - what if that never comes and this is not a phase but the family we were given?

My answer was way less than spiritual and not at all like the godly woman I want to be!!!!!!!

arrrggghhhhh.

semantics

I heard something a couple of weeks ago that has been rattling around in my head and heart ever since. Then tonite at the 5:30 service at GCC I heard it again.

Did you accept Jesus into YOUR life?

or

Did you give your life to JESUS?

When you hear these two questions do you immediately notice the difference or is it something you need to think about? I was amazed at what went on in me when I heard this. I will forever change my language and thinking about this.

I want to know that I know that I know that I have given MY LIFE to Christ - that God can use me for what he wants and needs when he wants and needs -- not that I only ask him for help when I need it and when it is convienent to me.

Any thoughts??

ch...ch...ch...changes

How do you respond to change? Do you love it or loathe it? For me it depends on what it is and when -- sound familiar?

All it takes for me to be okay with change is for me to be prepared - I like to wrap my mind around it, chew on it for awhile, see how it will impact my family, and in the end understand it. I know this is not possible in all cases of change but in some it is.

For instance there are many things that I do not make quick decisions about such as:

• buying a dog
• getting a job
• spending large amounts of money

It seems to me that I take my time with things that will have a major impact on my family - whether that be positive or negative. I want to see how to make it work, and understand it. Let's walk through how we finally made the decision to get a dog so you can see inside this process for our family.

When Don and I were dating we thought greyhounds were neat animals and talked about having one someday (realize I have never been a dog lover or owner). When we got married we talked about them some more and then got pregnant and realize they want you to wait until your kids are 4 or so. So every year we looked at them in the Maple Syrup Festival Parade and checked them out. Then our son became allergic to dogs so we put it on the back burner. Then he tested negative last October and he was 7 and Nina 5. We went to a Meet and Greet for greyhounds in April and Nina was not afraid at all and Noah was in love - he stayed for an hour and did not want to leave. We started researching greyhounds. Three books and numerous websites later we felt like a greyhound was the dog for us. We went to another Meet and Greet and turned in an application. We installed a fence. We had a home visit with the All Star Greyhound Adoption Agency and as of Friday July 11th we are the proud owners of Silvester. I would say this process took us (or me)about 6 months - Don and the kids would have brought one home from the meet and greet - not me I needed to know these things:

• where is it going to sleep
• what does it eat
• what do I do when I am out during the day
• who is going to clean up the poop in the yard - I can't stand poop in peoples yards!!!
• how are the kids going to manage
• what about it's dirty feet on the carpet
• will there be hair everywhere
• can I handle the responsibility
• do I want to handle the responsibility
• is it wise to spend money on a fence
• is it wise to spend money on dog food
• can the kids be alone with the dog
• how is he going to handle the stairs
• what about the vet
• dog treats for his teeth are 2$ a day??????

That is just a partial list of the thoughts that have been processed in my head and out loud over the past few days, weeks and months. But once I get a grasp I am all for it -- and in me it is like a light switch being flipped i go from being "off" for a long time while I research and analyze to what seems like all of a sudden "on" - ready to go get a dog! For some people I am hard to understand because when I am ready and say okay - they then question it -- why now - I thought you didn't want one - how come the change, etc.... they just did not see the process!

Now all this to say the idea of getting a dog is now a reality and the kids are doing ok - there are battles that need to be fought and sometimes I just don't want to - everybody is trying to find where they fit again. Don is the dog's best friend - his leader no doubt - Noah wants that role - Nina just loves him - I have no idea what I am doing and Don is patient and Noah is NOT - he is telling me everything I am doing is wrong and ordering me around - he has become a dog expert overnight - it has not been fun!

So I like the dog - just not really into transitions :(

So what about when God wants to change things in me or around me? Well he knows my personality doesn't he -I feel like he provides me with opportunities to see that it is him orchestrating the change so that I will go through the analysis at lightening speed.

I am so thankful that my God made me and knows me!

popbeads or pearls??

Do I dream big? Do I pray big? What if God said he would answer all my prayers of today? Would my answered prayers change lives or just circumstances? Am I praying for God's kingdom to come here on this earth? Do I trust that God has way more in store for me than what I am experiencing right now? Have I accepted Christ into my life or have I given my life to Christ? Do I have a biblical world view? Do I believe that I am saved by grace? Do I know that I know that I know that Jesus is the only way to heaven? Do I know what spiritual disciplines are? Do I practice them? Do I trust the leadership God has placed over me? Do I trust them enough to give up what I have and like to experience what they are about to offer? Can I be sold out for change and embrace where we are going? Can I be passionate about it?

YOU BET!

The questions above just represent a small, minute amount of things that are flying around in my head since I got home from New Community - the Thursday night service at GCC. If you are interested in hearing the message that led to all this and have a better understanding of the title -- popbeads or pearls -- I will put a link HERE as soon as it is available.

life changing

Alright, last night was a life changing experience for me. Let's start by putting it into perspective:

• I made my first communion at about age 7
• I took communion every Sunday from age 7-18
• That is approx. 600 times
• We never used the "blood of Christ"
• I came back to church at age 29
• I have received communion once a month since then
• That would be about 150 times

Last night I had my first opportunity to serve communion at GCC. The missions team that is going to India in December was chosen to serve and since Don is on that team I got to serve with him.

Wow is about all I can say - I will never ever look at communion in the same way again. I offered people "the body of Christ broken for you" - they looked into my eyes and accepted, they offered an "amen" or a "praise Jesus". One women towards the end even looked straight into my eyes and almost into my heart and said "thank you Jesus" - I almost started to cry - I was so overwhelmed with emotion! We even got to offer and share communion with some of our friends - like Rob, Michelle and Maddie :) Sharon and family, Wes and Amy and a few others. Talk about a personal, intimate moment.

God, I can't imagine sending your son to die on the cross for my sins - I am and will be forever thankful and grateful for your sacrifice. Thank you for the sacrament of communion to provide us the opportunity to focus directly on Jesus!

survive or thrive??

So today God filled me in on the fact that I have the choice to survive or thrive! Yes you heard that correctly -- it is up to me. Wow I have to take responsibility for it -- sometimes that is no fun - it is so much easier to blame it on someone else.

I want to thrive! I am not going to spend the summer in survival mode like I have the past three days. My kids are at each others throats - bickering about every single thing. You say black - no its white, you say tab they say no its tab -- they are doing this with eachother, with me, with my husband and sometimes even with grandma. Just the past three days - the first 10 days of summer break was awesome - I was so excited and thought wow this is going to be a fun and relaxing summer. Hold the phone - monday morning it was like a wildfire had roared through the house - grumpy, mouthy and down right irritable children - which doesn't necessarily make for a joyful mom.

So today in the midst of a conversation with my hairstylist (Erin:) about another whole issue I said out loud "I am the problem and I am the solution". Well tonight after dinner the kids were crabby and I got crabby and then I remembered (ok no, the holy spirit reminded me) what I had said about the other thing and it totally applies here.

Time for me to step up and be acountable for my joy! Time to dig in to the word and into the spiritual disciplines!

I am going to thrive this summer and I will not settle for just surviving. We have an awesome God who can do so much more than I can imagine and I know he is the one to nourish me!!!!!

are you a loving person?

I learned a few things about great teachers last night from a great teacher at GCC New Community. Here are 3 main things:

• they ask a lot of questions
• they give tough tests
• they give plenty of experiences to change lives

Wow at first glance these may be the teachers we don't immediately like - I mean lots of questions, tough tests and field experience - does not sound like my idea of fun but...... this is describing Jesus! This is how he did it with the disciples and this is how God wants to do it with us.

The first question Dr. Bob Laurent asked of us last night was "Are you a loving person?"

So what questions is God asking you lately? Not what are you asking him. Are we really getting quiet with him to see what he might be asking us? I know I am not - I don't really know what quiet with God looks like in the midst of the summer chaos with 2 kids. However I am willing to take some steps to find out. I am starting on a journey about the spiritual disciplines you can check it out here.

So how are you being tested lately? My test is with my brother - and so far I think my midterm report would say pass:)

What experiences are you in the midst of that God will use to change your heart and your life?

God teaches us this way so we can see what is in our own hearts - and I know what is in mine isn't always pretty. Dr. Bob said "It is easy to love those who love you back - but what about those who don't??"

We sang a worship song that said: "Break my heart for what breaks yours" I think that is the journey Granger is on and I am right on board, pointing my feet toward Christ and waiting to see what my next step is............

What is your next step toward Christ?

crisis

Some of you are doing the "read the bible in a year" thing with me :) some of you are just doing it and some of you probably have done it before. For those of you that have never done it - I highly recommend it!! Really -- this is my first time and I absolutely love it!

I feel more connected to Jesus than I ever have been in my life and I am seeing the fruit of it in some difficult times with my family (sisters and brother). I AM NOT super human -- I am just cultivating my relationship with God and so in tough times I am seeing that He is carrying me through - He is putting a guard over my mouth and He is helping me be more like Jesus in my relationships. I am so thankful that I know him -- it is about this life on earth - not just about my eternal life in heaven.

I dont just have a desire to grow and be connected - which is a great intention - but I have a passion inside of me to find the method that will help me do just that. I have to thank my church for that. From my observation - each of the pastors is full and overflowering with a passion to see people get to know Christ and continually develop their relationship with him. It is like a burning fire that is out of control - one of those sweeping forest fires that burns acres and acres. It is sweeping through Granger, South Bend, Elkhart, Niles and all the way to India :)

I have been infected with the burning passion. I am reading more than ever - I have continued with the daily bible reading, I am going to core class 301 that our church offers about finding your shape - I am embarking on a book for a group, led by one of the pastor's wives, on the spiritual disciplines (an area that I don't know much about) and I am trying to be more like Jesus with my family.

I am refusing to feel guilty, get angry, try to FIX them, or change their thinking - none of that is my job. I am trying to love them and understand them. Does that mean I agree with them - no not always - does that mean I take sides - no I try not to be devisive - does it come easy - no however the more I stay connected to Jesus the better I am getting with my walk.

I really can not believe the difference in my responses to circumstances lately - not usually like me:) - and I have to give God the glory - he is the one changing me and I kinda like who I am becoming.

I got a long way to go and I know he will be right beside me all the way!!

things

So many things going on around here.

• Today is the last day of school so tomorrow is the beginning of summer break :)
• We are getting an estimate on a fence today - why? because in order to adopt a greyhound you need a fence - yes a greyhound!
• We have been looking at pictures of available greyhounds on line
• My sister closes on my dad's house in TX today
• Don is working on his support letter for his mission trip to India
• I am decluttering again:) little by little
• Saturday is my annual day to go to garage sales with my friend Jill :)
• Nina and I are trying not to let the kitten in that found our house
• I am missing my bible study-MOTTTS-already
• We might be taking a road trip to Columbus OH to visit my friend Christine and her husband and 4 boys under the age of 7 :)
• Vacation bible school is in 3 weeks :)
• I just learned about Facebook!

Thats all i can think of - I know there is more..........

the last lecture

I just finished reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I picked it up about 3 weeks ago and thought it might be a good read. I started it yesterday morning and just finished it. That is the judge to me on a good read - how quickly I finish it is directly equated to the fact that I couldn't put it down.

Now this is not intended to be a deep discussion on whether or not he knows Jesus. What I learned about Randy and his fight with cancer through this book is that he is a man of integrity. He is a husband who wants to take care of his wife - he is a father who wants to take care of his 3 small children and he is a teacher who wants to leave a legacy for his students.

Some of you know I just lost my dad to cancer about 2 months ago so some of this book was sort of a tough read from that perspective. But I think it was tough more so as a wife and mom of young kids. I laughed and I cried! I feel as though I will look at life a little different now -- not anything major - just small things - day to day things.

In this book Randy talked about the things he cherished about his mom and dad - the things they gave him - character traits, etc. I want my kids to look back at their childhood and remember it fondly!

Here are a few things I got from my mom and dad.

My mom was at the kitchen table everyday when I came home from school with a cup of coffee and a book. This has shaped my love for reading as well as my desire to be a stay at home mom. My mom had an open door policy - you could tell her anything -- and she would not rush out and try to fix it. My mom picked up 5 kids without complaint and moved as my dad's job required because she knew it was his way of providing for the family. My mom was a submissive wife even though she never knew that term. My mom loved my dad with all her heart and soul.

My dad had an awesome work ethic - he spent more than 35 years of his life working for Tandy Corporation so that he could provide for his wife and 5 kids. This meant moving every three years or so but to him it was a small sacrifice. He was home for dinner nearly every night. He spent almost all of his non working time with his family. He was always on time. He spoke with authority about anything and everything - a trait he passed down to me and on to my son:) He followed me around the country when I marched in Drum Corps because he love it and he loved me too! He remained strong until the very end. My dad loved my mom with all his heart and soul.

There is so much more but this what came to mind.

I want my kids to develop a love for Jesus like no other - I want them to see God comes first then their spouse and then their kids. I want them to see and know how much I love their dad! I want them to know what a great marriage looks like! I want them to want to get into the bible everyday! I want them to love to learn and read! I want them to find an amazing church where God's work is evident and far reaching. I want them to remain connected as brother and sister long into adulthood.

I could go on and on and on and on....those of you that really know me know that is true:)

I guess what it all boils down to is this: I could continue on in life as a task oriented person like I spent the first 35 years of my life or I can continue on in life developing the emotional, sensitive and people oriented person that God has been showing me the last 6 years or so.

I had someone say to me once - do you always cry like this? and my response was "No only when I see God moving" I have been brought to tears more in the last year than I thought possible. God is moving and he is moving big.

Does it matter to me whether Randy Pausch knows God - well no and yes. It wouldn't stop me from reading the book if he didn't (that is God working in me) but I would love for him and his family to know the love of Jesus and know that he can live forever in heaven and see them again someday!

I have no idea how people who aren't in a relationship with Jesus understand or cope with death. If it were not for my relationship with him I would be floundering from the effects of the death of my mom 7 years ago and my dad recently.

Thank you Jesus for saving me!

changes

Things are changing in our house - our daughter had preschool graduation last week and today she took off her training wheels :( She is officially a big girl now (her words). My husband was awesome heloing her this morning -- so patient and kind - plus reassuring too! He also knew there was no going back -- we can not put the training wheels back on he told her gently - you can do this. Within an hour she was riding by herself!

I sat and watched with amazement and took pictures too! The whole time I was learning about parenting according to each child's bent -- and how they learn too!

My son declared he wanted to take his training wheels off when he came home from his first day of kindergarten - a new found independance I suppose. He got on the bike with Don's hand on the seat and he took off -- right away from his fathers safety grasp - he never looked back and never fell down - the momentus occassion was complete in a matter of seconds.

My daughter on the other hand - went upstairs to put on jeans and a sweatshirt in case she fell all the while singing this is the best day in the world!! Then after an hour of repeated instrucion about how to start the bike with one peddle up, how to keep her balance, how to steer away from trees, garage doors, slides and people - she got it and started to take off -- first just 2 feet alone then 3 ,4,5 and finally the whole driveway!

I know some of these differences in learning styles are male and female in nature. He is stronger physically and commanded the bike - she let the bike take her places. However some of these are personality things - he is a thinker she is a feeler. He understands how the peddles work and which way to lean - no one taught him this stuff - he just gets it and loves it. She just needed to be told - she has no interest in why the peddles move the chain and the wheels - so she needed to be told each step of the way what she needed to to do. He would not try anything until he knew he could do it , if by chance he tried something and failed he would give up -- she will try anything even if she can't do and just keep trying.

I know God is revealing all this along the way so we can fully parent according to their individual bent - put there by God himself to do great things for him when fully surrendered!

God is also using times like this for Don and I to realize more about ourselves and our bent!


The learning never ends!

go

Have you ever watched as a maple tree was blown by the wind and all those little whirlygig thingys (seed pods?) went flying through the sky like helicopters and then landed somewhere far from the tree to start a new one??

I just witnessed this as my daughter and I were eating lunch on our back porch and could not help but think about our service at GCC last night. Pastor Mark was talking about the command to GO into all the nations!

Is what I saw with the maple tree what we are supposed to look like as we do that? A time of flight away from tree and then plant somewhere else and grow or teach people to grow? And not just ONE seed pod flew today -- hundreds upon hundreds did -- the ground is covered - literally up to 75 feet from the tree. Is the tree the United States and my backyard the entire world??

GCC is launching an Elkhart Campus this fall at the Encore Cinemas and last night we were introduced to Jeff and Leslee Bell. Jeff will be the new campus pastor for Elkhart. He is excited, passionate and on fire for Christ and can't wait to reach the 88,000 people around the new campus.

God is a BIG God with BIG dreams for his people. After being at GCC for only a year I know they believe that - they dream big FOR God and want to impact the world for Christ. Just how many campuses will we see in the future? I am guessing that it will be more than I can ever dream or imagine:)

I am blessed to watch this all unfold. I have never been exposed to missions -- whether overseas or right in our own back yard. It scares me! I realized last night it scares me because I know it is not something I could accomplish on my own - God would have to be in it! This was an interesting moment for me at church.

I really just like to do things I am good at..... guess there's a lot of room for God to move in now that I realize it!!!!

mother's day blessing

So here is my husband in the middle of the rain
finishing up my mother's day gift.
Our first landscape project at our new house.

Well, we've been living here for 18 months but it still seems new.

This is a gift that has a pattern to it.

Three years ago in May I was gone on a women's retreat and I came home to our old house to find my husband had started to landscape - it was a gift to me!

We spent the whole summer doing ALL the landscaping around our 1926 brick house - it was hard work and fun at the same time.

My husband was great at it -- he made it look natural - like it just all happened as a part of nature. I love my husband and I love his creative gift - it comes out in so many places - like landscaping or furniture or house colors!!

the bunny hop

Have you ever done the bunny hop? you know, where you take jumps forward and then back??!! That's what house cleaning is like lately. I cleaned the entire office yesterday - dusted all the bookcases, cleaned off the desk and filed papers, paid bills, and then vacuumed and mopped the floor. Now today there are papers amass on the desk again and bath towels laying around to go upstairs - however today is supposed to be "thoroughly clean, dust and vacuum the kids rooms" day -- not pick up the office again day! How do you get ahead?? Anyone??

Thank Goodness God isn't saying "Hey I thought yesterday I dealt with you about eating and self control and today was supposed to be "let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth day" not the whole self control with eating thing again!!

His mercy is new every morning never sounded so good - thanks God for your perspective!

GCC Women's Conference

" Sometimes being listened to is so close to being loved its hard to tell the difference"
(Kathy Guy - Friday Night)

Vision, Intention, Method - the vision changes your intention!
"Who you want to be drives what you need to know and what you need to do"
"You've got 36 hours you can check out or lean in!"
(Mark Beeson - Friday Night)

Do you want to end up like my wife or my mom?
(Dr. Bob Laurent - Saturday Morning)

The smallest part of me - sung by Jason Miller

"How do you practice the presence of Jesus?"
(Mark Waltz - Saturday Afternoon)

How to prepare for the valley's in life.
I need a method or I will get sucked back....
Do it with God's methods instead of the world's
Get anchored in Christ
(Kathy Guy - Saturday Evening)

Let your mind be washed with the water of the word
(Rob Wegner - Sunday GCC message)


These are just tidbits from an awesome weekend that I got to spend with 2 of my close friends in Christ! We had an amazing opportunity to hear from God through wonderful speakers who listened to the spirit about what women need to hear and know.

I honestly can't believe all the conversations that occurred over the weekend with these 2 awesome godly women who inspire and challenge me every step of the way! I was challenged about so many things here are just a few:

• I need to listen more and talk less - no surprise here!
• Though I am intentional about my parenting I had a revelation - the things that bother me about my son - are the things in my own personality that bother ME - things I fight against being instead of just giving over to God!
• Being judgemental is easy - being loving and kind like Jesus is hard (again no surprise)
• If I am feeling far from God I need to look at what steps I am daily taking towards him.
• If I want to live in the spirit I need to be in his word.
• Maybe my perspective is off - things I think I have much of could really be little in God's eye - maybe there's more to this......
• I need to let God's love change me from the inside out
• I refuse to hang on to past hurts - thank God for the work he has done in me!
• I don't want to live in winter when God calls me to live in spring
• I love this passage from the message translation - Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly.
• I want to show up for every appointment God has for me
• When I give gifts to my kids I need to stop expecting a certain response!
• I prepare for the valley when I know who I am in Christ - not who my husband thinks I am , or my friends or my job or my kids........
• I can not parent out of fear of who my children will become
• God only equips us for what he can see that we can't IF we surrender to being equipped!!!

I was so blessed by the weekend - I was strengthened, encouraged and challenged! God is amazing and knew what I needed!

truth in love

This is such a tough thing to understand - sometimes in my life I have wondered what is the difference between truth in love and ....... well I don't know what to call the other side of it - you know when someone one comes down on you for something you do and/or say and you walk away feeling angry, humiliated and/or rejected.

Lately God has been showing me the difference - at least in my life - and that is relationships! I have been learning a lot how God has wired me and I think wired us all. That we must first be in a relationship with someone in order to trust what they have to share with us. When we have built that relationship with them - we know their relationship with Jesus and so we know that they love us and must feel prompted by God to talk with us about something.

I learned very early in my walk with God that offense is a choice - one that satan wants me to make - and I refuse - I am not going to get offended by a person, their words or their actions. I know that my battle is not against flesh and blood.

Just a side note to say -- this is why church has people in all places on the journey - we don't automatically have our entire mind and behaviors renewed the minute we accept Jesus - it is a constant process - a long road - that we move toward the path Jesus wants us on. Are we going to fall???? YES!!! But I heard a phrase Thurday night during the message that I want to grasp onto -- I want to "fall forward" so it easier to get up and finish the race. I think this will happen if I am continually leaning in - leaning in to Jesus - leaning in to God's word..........

Okay to get back on track - at bible study on Thursday (MOTTTS) we were discussing children's literature. I am amazed at how God reveals things to me on each step of my journey - there are books out there that I will just not read to my kids. I would have 5 years ago but as I grow closer to Him -- He has given me a better ability to see the lies in some books and my kids know that we will just put them down and not finish them. They are learning that if God prompts me that a book is not right for my family and I am not obedient then it is a sin. I am trying to teach them that it is about my response to what I feel God is asking of me. They also know that it is about our family and not about someone elses family and whether they choose to read those same books! In any large group of people you will have some at the beginning of their journey and some miles down the road - and this does not always correlate to how long they have known Jesus. So I am trying to learn the art of developing relationships first and not always jumping right in with my convictions - of course unless God prompts me too :)

All this to say - my prayer is simply this: God, please help me to choose my words wisely and know that when I have a relationship with someone and they have a relationship with you -- you have given them the ability to accept the truth in love -- however help me to remember that it is your job to convict people and it is my job to love them like you do!

5.4 at 5:39

Ok well I just started reading a book called Seismic Shifts - it is about the little things that have huge impacts - makes sense so far. Then last night at GCC - Granger Community Church - I heard Pastor Tim Stevens speak about his new book Pop Goes the Church and he told a story about something that happened back in Iowa in 1981 - an old bunker filled with dynamite in the town blew up and literally knocked him off his feet in his living room.

All this to say at 5:39 am this morning I was totally freaked out - I was sound asleep and the bed started shaking - like from the foot of it to the head of it - almost made me sick to my stomach - as I woke up I thought maybe my husband had not left for work yet and walked by and bumped the bed so I sat up and said Is that you? -- no answer. I looked outside to see if it could have been rumblings of thunder - No - then I remember hearing the TV in the armoire move - you gotta know it is a teeny weeny 13 inch TV on a step stool in the armoire just so we can see it over our feet when we are lying in bed :) So of course now I am thinking - is there someone in my room - are they trying to steal my TV???

I decide to be tough and brave and turn on the TV - no rain - no storms no nothin' - Too freaked to go back to sleep I just lay there watching the news - Then they finally say there is breaking news - a 5.4 earthquake in Southern Illinois just occurred -- Great my first earthquake - well at least now I know I am not crazy - so I call my husband who is driving to work.

He did not feel anything but after he hangs up he texted me to say - he was listening to the bible on tape and Jesus just said there will be earthquakes in diverse places .

Isn't our God amazing????

neverending or work in progress?

So I ended up using my previous blog entitled "neverending" as a stepping stone for the opening at the bible study I go to (MOTTTS) and boy did God do some work in me - with my husband's help to change my perspective.

I came to realize there are things in my life that are cyclical - like the seasons - always coming around again and again - and there are things in my life that are a work in progress (WIP). I, as a task oriented person, have a huge tendency to focus on the cyclical things - or my to do list - and forget about the things that are wip's.

Through Phil 1:6 :

• being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (NIV)

• There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (THE MESSAGE)

• And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again. (NLT)

I came to realize that thank goodness God does not have a daily to do list with our names on it with the expectation that once he works on us he is done - where he crosses us off and goes on to the next day's list with new names.

Of course there are things in my relationship with Jesus that are cyclical - those nasty sin patterns that rear their ugly heads - and then there are things that are wip's like my marriage, my family, parenting and becoming a godly women. These are areas that God is growing me each and every day - slowly and he will not be finished with me until the day Jesus comes back or the day I met him in heaven.

So this isn't about what I do each day - it is about all those things that will take place between now and heaven!

I need to have a kingdom perspective instead of a to do list perspective - not what can I cross off today? - more like how can I grow today?

I'm in

More later - but I am in for the 21 day no more complaining challenge!

neverending

First of all I am thankful that God is helping me to grow into more of a people person - however as a list maker and task oriented person there are a few aspects of motherhood that I wish someone would have let me in on.

I love to make a list because I love the feeling when I complete a job, it is freeing. Most times after I complete a job I want to take a break, you know stop working, hang out, relax kind of as a "reward". Have you ever noticed that this kind of attitude can really back fire in motherhood?

Here are a few examples of things that can never really be crossed off the list:

• washing windows
• doctor appts
• dentist appts
• getting car serviced
• mowing the lawn
• laundry
• dishes
• grocery shopping
• paying bills
• dusting
• vacuuming
• helping with homework
• baths/showers
• brushing teeth
• making meals
• packing school lunches
• painting fingernails or toenails
• napping
• reorganizing closets
• decluttering kid's bedrooms
• maintaining garages
• working on lanscaping
• blogging :)
• checking email
• returning phone calls

Some of these items are done 3 times a day, some daily, weekly, monthly, twice a year or even yearly. BUT they are never really done -- they need to be done again.....

My understanding of done is done - finished - over - complete.

There never really is time to take that break - oh yea I take lots of them - like right now as I blog even though there is "stuff to do". I take physical breaks often and almost always get a good, long nights sleep! I need to learn to stop taking giant mental breaks - that's when I get defeated. I clean the entire house top to bottom and it looks great - then I go on a mental break - thinking it is "done" my definition of done -- so for the next 2 weeks I don't do much in the cleaning area 'cuz I checked it off my to do list. Then I get defeated because there is a big pile of clutter that I didn't maintain - mine, the kids and my husbands.

Here's the kicker - my kids don't care and neither does my husband -- they function the same with or without clutter. NOT ME I become someone I don't like - forgetful, late, disorganized and stressed.

My lesson - there are things that I can't ever cross off my to do list and that has to be ok - I found one really important thing I will never be able to cross off - and it is okay - reading the bible. Isn't it amazing? We will never be "done" reading the bible. I started the read through the bible in a year and I am hooked - seriously - I don't think I want to ever cross it off my list - even at the end of this year - I will just start again!

God please help me realize that my life is not about my to do list - it is about your people - and I want to show people who you are through what you have done in my life and in the lives of those around me. Please grow me into the people person you want me to be.

heart

Have you ever noticed that sometimes kids just get it!! My husband is singing tonite at Granger - that is another whole blog :) - and my kids and I listened to a recording of the song - my daughter went around singing it all day yesterday here are some of the lyrics:


If everyone cared and nobody cried

If everyone loved and nobody lied

If everyone shared and swallowed their pride

Then we'd see the day when nobody died

After she got done singing she said "mommy its right if everyone did all this then we would live forever" She knows that Eve started a huge sin pattern and thanks to Jesus we can all "live" forever. At 5 - I think I was 35 before I knew that!

mountains and makeup

Yesterday I was getting ready for bible study and my 5 year old daughter was playing in my room. I was saying out loud - yes I talk to myself sometimes:( - I can't find my makeup oh where is it I can't find it - oh here it is!

My daughters response -- Oh mom maybe God put it there - my response - your right He could do that and her response:

Well Mom, if God could move a mountain of course he could move your make up!

Oh to have faith like a child!!

hopeless

I was listening to a song at church called "Hope for the Hopeless" and I started thinking - what does it mean to be hopeless? would I know if I was hopeless?

This sparked me to think back to before I became a Christian - some of you know a lot about me and some don't - I began a personal relationship with Jesus in 1996 and was baptized in 1998 and after hearing that song I think it would be fair to say that pre '96 I was hopeless.

If I put my hope in Jesus - then if I don't know Jesus aren't I hopeless?? I am talking about myself here - not pointing fingers or anything but I got the message loud and clear when hearing that song. Oh my - I was hopeless - I did not know the meaning and purpose of my life - I did not know that Jesus loved ME and that I mattered to God. And the bigger point -- I was deceived - I did not even know I was hopeless!!

My prayer - Lord please help me to know you intimately - to put my hope in your son Jesus and to know He is the answer to hopelessness.

old furnishings

Do you have any furniture that reminds you of your childhood? Are there pieces with stories attached? Well my family now has a piece of my childhood in the house -- actually a couple of pieces. Since we are the only ones with room to spare we inherited a dining room table, 8 chairs and a hutch that were made for my family of 7 about 30 years ago. There are so many things that happened around that table. We also now have my bedroom set from high school. I remember when my parents bought it -- they were quick to let me know it would become their guest room bedroom set after I moved out.

What about dishes? We inherited the family china and silverware -- boy if they could talk. I saw a picture from the fifties and that china was on the table. It has lasted over 50 years and was used often.

The other night I asked God to help me be a good steward of my belongings - the stuff he has enabled my family to acquire. Now I want to make sure I document the history in our belongings -- I want my kids to know the stories involved with the things my husband brought home from Texas. These were their grandparents and great grandparents possessions that were taken care of so well that they still have stories to tell.

Now I need to ask God to help me be the storyteller for the next generation.

blessings

Count your blessings! You are so blessed! Do we ever really hear those words? After what my family has gone through in the past few weeks I know I am blessed! I refuse to take lightly how much God has done for me, how much he has brought me through and how much he will continue to do for me. He loves me - really he does.

I am blessed with an awesome husband - really -- he goes above and beyond - more than I could ever dare, think, ask or imagine. Today he is flying to Texas with a neighbor and then renting a uhaul to drive back to Indiana in order to help out with my Dad's house. He is doing it because he loves me! Wow sometimes it is hard to grasp and I can't believe how he cares about me.

Today I am going to thank God for how he has blessed me with this wonderful man who is Jesus in the flesh for me so often. I love him deeply.

hope

My father's viewing was last night and the funeral service is this morning. I have had the wonderful opportunity to see how Jesus has made a difference in my life, my husband's life and my 2 children's lives just by watching how each one handled and responded to the viewing.

My 5 year old daughter with a huge heart was amazing - she comforted her 10 year old cousin who was crying and crying, she used her words to tell her how it was ok to cry and be sad, she looked right into the casket and said "it does not look like grampy anymore because all the stuff we know about him is in heaven" she handled it with so much grace and compassion - and I believe the reason it was not scary is two fold -- she knows Jesus and is learning what the bible says about death and heaven and she has never ever seen anything creepy or horror-filled like some of the things in the movies I used to watch or related to halloween. She viewed it as a natural thing.

My 7 year old son wrote a note to his cousin letting her know that he hoped she felt better. He also said "it is not really like grampy is dead he is alive in heaven forever." He is the black and white practical one! However in the car on the way to the hotel he had his arm around me rubbing the back of my neck. :)

My husband sat with my grieving brother who had been my dad's roommate and caretaker over the last seven years. He listened and supported. He was Jesus in the flesh for my brother - he showed love and compassion and understanding in a way only he could. My husband lost his dad a long time ago and also spent time being his caretaker. My husband's experience was necessary for "such a time as this". He loved by listening! My brother is learning that my family's love for him is unconditional -- I am learning how to love unconditionally.

I truly truly believe that I can love someone to Jesus - I used to think I needed to confront them to Jesus - help them see their sin. You know what? Once people know that I love them unconditionally and Jesus loves them regardless of their sin then they can begin a relationship with him and the Holy Spirit can do the transformation work -- not me!

I can only say that I am thankful to my church for helping me grow to this point over the last year. I am amazed at my heart change and how it has had a huge impact on my relationships! I have grown so much closer to Jesus and know that this is only the beginning!

leap day

For those of you reading the bible in a year -- today is a FREE day -- no reading for the 29th. But if your like me you didn't really look at the date -- you just read what was next -- hmmmm - I realized it when I was done -- oh well I am a day ahead.

life

Have you ever wondered what the number of your days is? I just have always assumed I would be around until I was old and grey. Then about 7 years ago my mom passed away suddenly. I had a 6 month old baby and really struggled with the realization that either he was going to experience what I was currently -- going through the pain of losing his mom -- or I was going to go through the pain of losing him. Yuck -- what awful thoughts to have running through your head.

They went away with time and come back now and then. Now I am faced with losing my dad -- the only way I can explain it is that I feel like I am floating -- I will have lost the generation above me -- I will lose the strength in our family - the person that ties us together -- we still vacation as a family once a year because of him -- not because we are all best friends. We remain civil with one another because of him. All I can say is that in the end I want to remember that I honored and respected him. That is what the bible commands me to do and that has been my focus for these past few weeks -- with every conversation I have with him or one of my sisters or brother.

It is easy to wonder whether it is or was my job to teach my dad about Jesus. While down in Texas over the weekend I had the privilege of sitting with my dad and saying goodbye. He shared numerous things at that time and one was -- "you and Don have tried to live a good christian life and I admire you for that" I think my dad has learned a lot about Jesus from watching my family and for that I am truly thankful.

My prayer is that I will not judge a person's life by what I see or don't see or by what I hear or don't hear -- I will love them and trust that God is working on their heart - a huge responsibility that I can not bear alone.

rain, rein, reign

Over and over again for the past few weeks these 3 little words keep coming back to me.

God rains down on me whenever I let him. He is there, full and overflowing ready to tip the bucket and pour his love out onto me -- am I going to soak it up or is it going to run right off ?

Am I going to give God the reins to my life? Will I let him steer me where he wants me to go? He knows the path that is ahead of me - the one I have never seen before. Will I listen when he nudges me right, when he tells me to jump, when he pulls me to a stop? Oh how I long to be that obedient!

He reigns! He is the King of Kings the Lord of Lords! He is the ruler - the loving, caring, compassionate One!


3 words with so much packed into them. Can I get it or is this a lesson that will be repeated over and over in my life in a painstakingly repetative manner so that I have the opportunity to own it?

generational stuff

So yesterday Exodus 34:7 got me thinking again - what's new?! I remember first reading this passage at my thursday bible study MOTTTS about 4 years ago and it really got to me. Here is the verse:

I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations.

I forgive iniquity, rebellion and sin.

But I do not excuse the guilty.

I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren;

the entire family is affected -

even children in the third and fourth generations.

Here's what went through my head that I will share with you - mostly questions not answers :)

• how many years is a generation? we aren't even a thousand generations from jesus's birth are we?
• thank goodness he forgives rebellion and sin - will I recognize all my sin and have the strength to confess it?
• what am I reaping leftover from my parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and great great grandparents?
• what can I change in this generation in order to break that generational sin pattern or cycle?
• what about my husband's parents, grandparents, etc.
• can we recognize all this -- get it out into the light - talk about it and go a different direction?
• do I realize the responsibility I have? -- what I choose to sow my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchilren will reap! That's probably 200 years from now by the time my great great grandchildren are fully grown.

What are your thoughts? Do you care to share?

God of details

Reading Exodus over the past days has been incredibly challenging because of the amount of details it contains. At first I felt like I was getting lost -- all the measurements, the colors of the threads, the type of fabric, a description of the spices and on and on and on.... Then, it came to me -- He is a God of the details -- a God of the little things -- ALL things are important to him. So instead of getting lost I became comforted - he loves me and cares about all the details of my life--he wants me to see him -- not just in the big things but in the small too - he wants me to pray and take my cares to him -- not just my big ones but my small ones too -- he already knows what they are though by bringing them to him he knows that I know "who he is" the God of ALL things!

old age

Last night while dropping my daugher off at her "slide" for children's ministry a little girl said "she needs someone with her" I said "I know I am right here and I am her mommy" and this little girl of 4 said "oh I thought you were her grandma" Her mom who was standing about 2 feet away watching the exchange replied "oh my I think she is just being silly" You know what - though it is the last thing I needed when I already struggle with feeling old all I could think at the time was - this'll make a great blog :(

first impressions

WOW - yea that's what I said - WOW! I just finished another book -- FIRST IMPRESSIONS - creating wow experiences in your church - by Mark L. Waltz. All I can say is WOW. It is such a thorough book and covers so many areas of guest services. I figured since I started serving in December as a check in facilitator this book would be a way for me to personally connect with the vision of Granger and personally align with how they approach things.

I have had the opportunity to be a "guest" at Granger a few times before becoming a member. The first time was a few years ago -- maybe 4 -- before they completed the current auditorium. Since we had never been before and had a child with food allergies I believe I called first to get some information. I remember feeling comfortable and decided it would work. We met a handful of others and proceeded to put our children into their rooms downstairs. We happen to be there on a night that most women were gone and men were staffing the rooms -- we filled out our sons name tag and asked about snacks, explaining he had severe food allergies - they said yes they were having pretzels - I asked if I could look at the bag they said sure - they brought the bag which was clear plastic and I said is it okay if you feed him this small bag of pretzels we brought instead since there is no label on the bag -- he said sure.

Now this exchange sounds simple enough however I was flabbergasted - all they were concerned with was me and my child -- was I comfortable and was he - I never felt like I was a bother they were genuine and kind - it struck a chord in me and I have never forgot it!

Move forward to April of 2007 - My family decided to visit Granger again. Our sister in law and niece attended and so did another niece and her husband. We also had recently built a house and our builder and his wife had been attending Granger for a few years. So we drive up and realize how much it had changed. We navigate our way around and get our children into their rooms - then sit down for the service. If it were possible I would say we were blown out of our seats. We felt connected. So over the next few weeks we attended off and on - while continuing to remain at our "home" church. I remember saying more than once -- wow everyone is so friendly - you can tell they are serving according to their gifts! When wondering about my son's allergies again - they directed us to the guest service kiosk and connected us with the director of childrens ministry who had us fill out a card so that his tag would be printed with his allergy info -- it was about us and how to make us comfortable. Then one time I dropped off my clingy, crying daughter and the teacher said -- are you okay - are you comfortable -- It was about me - the guest-- she wanted me to get to the service!

As a guest I experienced what they had to offer on the deepest level - I felt needed and cared for - I felt like I mattered! Who would have known that fast forward and this would be where we call home! I had the opportunity to "experience Granger" and know that I matter to them. Now I have the ability to offer this to new "guests" to show them they matter to Granger and they matter to God!

Mark describes in his book the details and the thought process that surround the First Impressions team. By reading this book, I was able to solidify my "feelings" from being a "guest" into my desires and responsibilities of being a member. It feels great to take my next step towards Christ!

contentment

So I posted a few days ago what my daughter said in the bath tub -- then yesterday my entire MOTTTS (moms of tots to teens) bible study was about contentment. Have you ever noticed that when God wants to get your attention it comes at you over and over again in a short period of time in many different ways? Well God has my attention -- my husband posted about this on his blog (january -2muchstuff-1) -- so between my husband and I, my daughter and my bible study God is making it known this is an area that needs attention.

Have you ever thought - am I content? If I am not why not? If it has anything to do with stuff and circumstances then we don't understand what being content means! I believe the world contributes to our struggles with this -- if we continue to look around us we will always find things look better somewhere else -- however if we can look up then we will see that right here is where we are supposed to be and God is continually blessing us -- whether big or small - we just need to look!

What can I do to help with being content? here are some ideas that I have thought of or heard from others over the last few weeks:

• cancel catalogs - are they really necessary - do they leave me wanting?
• stop excess magazine subscriptions that fuel the "i need to be like that mentality"
• go to the store when you need something - not just to look around
• internet shopping can be addictive -- wow free shipping I have to buy something
• make a list of your blessings
• work at discerning wants from needs -- tough, tough, tough
• spend time thanking God for all you have (not just tangible things)
• get out and help others and get your mind off yourself
• stop complaining to others -- this feeds discontent
• choose to seek counsel instead of airing a complaint - change the way you phrase it!
• choose what you are going to confess with your mouth - don't lie and say everything is great - but think before you speak

SO for me it is time to ask God to provide me with a new perspective and hold me accountable to the things he has shown me lately! and thank goodness for my trusted friends to speak truth into my life - you know who you are:)

words of wisdom

My 5 year old daughter just announced during bath time that commercials try to get you to buy things and you don't have to buy everything you want just everything you need! I think that should be my family's financial motto in 2008: to only buy the things we need!

anger management

SO if you haven't noticed by now we are working on anger management in our house. It seems my son, who is 7 1/2 really struggles with it -- now we are trying to teach him that it is okay to get angry -- and I just read in Exodus 4:14 Then the LORD became angry with Moses. And in Matthew 17:17 Jesus replied, "You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you?..... Both God and Jesus got angry with people - it is definitely a feeling that exists and I believe that trying to teach our kids not to be angry is a disservice to them! God has redirected my thinking and therefore my actions on how to deal with this. Do I want an angry child? -- NO WAY -- however I can not control my child even though I wish I could. Now when I see the signs of anger rising up I acknowledge them out loud "I can see that you are getting angry" Then I ask questions "what can you do that will help you calm down?" "how about playing the piano or guitar" "do you want to go listen to your worship cd or an adventures in odyssey cd?" "how about I read you a book?"

Now you need to realize it goes against every ounce of my flesh to do it this way. I want to say or shout STOP or GET A GRIP!! But he is 7 and I need to teach him how to manage it now -- not that it shouldn't exist. I want to help him find ways to deal now before he grows older and ends up using inappropriate ways such as: hitting or fighting, drugs or alcohol, food or smoking, spending money, crazy driving, or anything else that could harm himself or others!

I am thankful God got me to this place now! Is it easy? NO I wish I didn't have a kid that had anger troubles but you know what? Atleast I know exactly what he is thinking and struggling with -- he is not sneaky or passive at all -- it is all out in the open -- way out in the open! Is it fun when he kicks or hits me -- not one bit -- however instead of continually letting satan convince me I am a bad parent who is not doing enough I am going to CHOOSE to believe God chose my husband and I "for such a time as this" knowing that with Him we could survive this!

verse 21

Did you know that in Matthew 17 there is no verse 21? Check out your January 26th reading and look at the footnotes! So amazing that some manuscripts contain it and some don't. What do you think about the missing verse?

my mouth

Psalm 19:14

May the words of my mouth

and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you,

O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

old testament soap opera

I just keep reading and reading and reading and reading and I still can't get over all the stuff about numerous wives, servants, lies, cheating, murder -- really I think they make todays soap operas almost seem tame. Granted they weren't doing all those things for others to watch and live vicariously through...... however I am amazed at God's patience and faithfulness to them. He kept his word -- when he made a covenant with them he followed through regardless of their future behavior. There are so many examples I do not know where to begin. Can you believe it? If, instead of focusing on the mess they got themselves into, I can focus on God and his role in it all I can truly walk away with some great lessons in parenting and marriage! I love my husband, son and daughter no matter what. On July 10, 1999 I entered into a covenant with my husband and God. -- No matter what the future holds that covenant will remain - my marriage is not dependant upon behavior it is dependant upon God! On Septmenber 13, 2000 I gave birth to my first child, a son, and no matter how hard it is right now -- he is a gift to me to raise for God and I want to do it right! On September 6, 2002 God gave me a daughter to raise for Him -- I have no idea how long she will be mine but I want to spend these days doing it His way!

As I type this I realize I do not enter into relationships lightly :) and you know what..... I am thankful for that --- it means that each relationship I am in is an important one to me - one that I want to invest in - one I want to grow with and one I want to share God with -- If you are reading this you probably already know that about me :)

life goes on part 2

Is anybody else treading water? I feel as though I am doing one of those lifeguard tests - you know the one where they ask you to have on all your clothes then you get in the water tread water for what seems like days and have to remove your clothes too? Does that sound like an impossible task? It does to me - however right now I feel like I being very unsuccessful at treading water and that several times a day I am gulping down yucky dirty water, spitting it out and trying to tread again with tired sore worn out muscles. Can I get my feet on solid ground? Why does everything seem to go way out of balance dependent upon my son's behavior? I am not talking about typical 7 1/2 year old boy stuff - I am talking about anger! anger towards me and my husband -- anger with his mouth and his arms and legs - it is crazy so crazy - and we have found nothing that works -- we have tried a lot and still feel as though we are failing -- it seems as though every other day I feel as though he is sabotaging our family! I know this is just a feeling! I know God is in control! I know this too shall pass! I also know it stinks too!

life goes on

WOW! I am realizing life goes on all around me -- and I need to keep up. There are so many things I want to get done each day -- yet there are so many things I need to do too! I am amazed that time flies -- I know people always say this but I am truly feeling that way right now. I just got a notice about kindergarten round up in March -- yes my baby girl will be heading to school - could this really be true! It seems like yesterday was Christmas and now it is tax time :( I think today I will try to get a hang of posting and contribute a few items to this blog -- I definitely have some comments on this whole bible in a year thing, then there's the new book I am reading -- From Clutter to Clarity - and then my dad's health and also my son's behavior. And that is just to mention a few things rattling around in my head!

day 5,6,7,8

So how is everyone doing? Anyone else completely blown away by some of the stuff they are reading? little details/big concepts!

• Matthew 5:19b ...but anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. This is a tall order for me -- what about for you? I am trying to remember that I don't need to try harder each day -- I need to ask God for his help more everyday!!!!
• Psalm 5:3 -- Listen to my voice in the morning Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly. Well another tall order -- I barely roll out of bed to get my son breakfast and ready for school -- this is definitely a pattern that could use changing. I said I wanted to read books that would grow me this year -- what was I thinking -- I was already choosing to do this -- boy I am feeling stretched right now and it is only the beginning. So is it read the bible in a year and then take a year off to consider all that was brought up? Kind of like a 2 year plan??
• Genesis 13:8-9 Lord may I have the desire to be more like Abram in the way he handles Lot by offering him his choice of land and taking what was left! How can I not know that God will bless me immensly if I follow this principle -- he will give me more (figuratively) than what I would have if I chose first and gave others the leftovers. This is definitely NOT what the world teaches!!!!!
• Matthew 5:47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. God totally got right in the middle of me while I was in a conflict yesterday! My kids were with me and it was with a medical professional. All I have to say is wow I am thankful for Jesus because without him I would have screamed, yelled, used a few nasty words and probably slammed the door -- and later would have wrote a letter about the incident and sent it to the governing board. However -- due to Jesus and the Holy Spirit's screams in my head and heart -- I kept smiling and spoke overly nice and continued to try to clarify the issue. When we left I explained to the kids we would not be returning and that we would be choosing another "place" to go. I also asked if I spoke in a mean voice -- they said "no", I asked if I called him mean names - first they laughed and then said "no", I asked if I kicked the desk and slammed the door -- again they giggled and said "no" . I kindly explained that I - me, me me, wanted to do all those things however God did not want me to! So I had this great conversation with him in my head the whole time and it went like this -- Oh please help me to be kind -- am I smiling? O Lord just help me to make it through the next 5 minutes, Okay I get it-- you don't want us to come back here, I am sorry I didn't listen in October I thought I was just being nice and giving him a second chance. Lord help me not to lose my cool in front of the kids! Wow it felt like I was dealing with an enemy -- and yes I know he is not my enemy but boy it felt like it -- and it took every ounce of everything God has ever wanted to do in me for me to do it his way! And you know what I got from it all ( from obedience)-- NO REGRETS! What some of you may or may not know is that my mouth has, in the past, gotten me into trouble - o really some of you say in jest -- however what I have learned is that since I began a relationship with Christ it is not necessarily my mouth that gets me into trouble -- it is the way satan uses my mouth to condemn me -- I end up giving him such a strong foothold in this area and I get paralyzed by it -- I review and review and review conversations -- I regret things I have said and I stew over them and satan keeps bringing them back for me to revisit. Honestly I don't believe my mouth is that much of a problem since I gave my heart over to God -- but because I actively chose God - in the moment not as an afterthought -- I was blessed with the peace that comes from HIM and him alone. What an awesome feeling and though it feels strange I know it is supposed to be the norm when I am living according to his purpose. Can I do it again? I am not certain -- however I know that God can!
• Proverbs 1:33 Fools are destroyed by their own complacency. But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear and harm. CONFIRMATON :)
• Genesis 18:14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? Why oh why do I continually think I can handle it without consulting him?? Do you?
• Genesis 18:27 - 33 Where did I get the idea that we are not supposed to ask detailed, fact finding questions ever? I was so suprised by the fact that Abraham asked over and over again each time getting more detailed and God never said -- "alright already - give it up and trust me"
• Matthew 6:34 - So don't worry about tomoorow for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. Never has there been a truer statement or a better way to look at each day . I need this verse committed to memory!
• Matthew 6:25 - 7:14 -- There is so so so so so much in this I could barely digest it all!
• Proverbs 2:7? He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.